AFTER Denise's Birth, Part 2

Now, my doctor had been out of town on vacation when all that happened.  Soon after I had given birth, he had gone on vacation.  Even that had been a blessing from God, because I hadn't been able to go see him since he was gone.  Soon after this though, his office called and said they had gotten the test results back from that 24 hour urine sample that I had done, and that there were some abnormalities with some of the numbers.  They said I needed to go see a kidney specialist, and they gave me the number of one that my doctor recommended.

I did not mention all that I had been through the past three weeks, and I don't remember if I even thought it was related.  I don't think I did.  I had never had any kidney problems, except for passing a kidney stone.  I just called the doctor and made an appointment.  It takes a while to get into a kidney specialist like that, or so I found out, so my appointment was a while away.  I think about a couple of months.  I can't quite remember.  I really wasn't thinking that much about it.  I felt completely and totally fine, so I was just busy taking care of my family and doing my usual things.

So a couple of months later I went to see the kidney specialist.  I walked into the exam room and sat down in the chair.  He came in and looked at me.  I soon learned that he was a very blunt doctor.  He looked me up and down, and then he looked at the 24 hour urine test results that my doctor had sent over to him.  And, then he said, much to my surprise, "What the h*** is going on with these test results?"

I was so shocked by that.  I didn't know how to respond, so I said, "I don't know."  I thought he was going to tell me.  I thought that last part, I didn't say it out loud.

Then he said, "These test results are bogus!"

He looked at me again and said, almost angrily, "Have you been on dialysis?"  I told him I had never been on dialysis. 

Then he asked me, "Did you walk in here today?"

I told him that I had.

"Do you have any pain?"

I told him that I did not.

Then he leaned forward in his chair, looked straight at me and said, "These test results cannot be correct, because if they were and you weren't on dialysis, you would be dead."  He further explained, "According to these test results your kidneys are functioning at 11%, and if that is the case and you aren't on dialysis, you would be dead."

I just sat there, stunned.

He then said that he was going to have me do another 24 hour urine sample test and we were going to get to the bottom of this.  I left his office with instructions on how to do this and where to go to drop off my sample.  He was very particular about everything, very detailed, and he said he was positive they had messed up on my test results from that July 27th test.

I walked out of his office, went down to my car, got into it and just sat there, dumb founded.  I was very shaken up by what the doctor had just told me.  I did not think the test results were wrong.  Those three weeks that I had been sick, I thought that I had bladder, bowel and kidney infections, but in reality those had just been the symptoms of what had really been happening.  My kidneys hadn't been functioning.  And, according to those test results, I should have died.   I remembered back to how I had told Jeremy that very first day that I felt like I was dying, the pain was so bad.

Well, I drove home and told Jeremy what the doctor said.  He was so excited, and kept saying, "Praise the Lord!"  I mean, he was excited!  Interestingly enough, I was the opposite of him.  I mean, I was thankful, but I was also very somber about what I had just heard.  I could hardly believe it.  I tried to explain it to Jeremy.  I told him it may seem strange, but now that I knew I hadn't been sick with just infections, but actual kidney failure, or so it seemed, I felt kind of scared.

Isn't God just so good?  I mean, if my doctor had been in town for those first two weeks when those test results originally came back, I probably would have found out what was really going on in my body.  If it hadn't happened on a Saturday, I would have gone to my regular doctor's office and seen a different doctor, but nonetheless they still would have had those results in their hands.  At the emergency room, they did not, so they just chalked it up to several infections and put me on antibiotics.

God is God!  He can heal kidneys, or give you brand new ones (like the eagle from Psalm 103) just as easily as He can heal infections.  That is so true!  But, in my mind, it would have seemed bigger and harder.  In my mind, I would have been scared!  How do I know this?  I know this because even though I had been feeling completely fine for a couple of months before I had that doctor appointment with the kidney specialist, it still scared me when he just told me what those test results meant!  You see what I mean?  Glory to God!  He protected me from even knowing what was really going on!

Several months later I talked to a friend of mine.  She went to our church, and her husband had been on a waiting list for a kidney transplant for a long time.  She called me one day for something else, but since my ordeal, I felt so much compassion for all that they were dealing with.  So, I asked how he was doing, and I began sharing some of my story, and she began sharing theirs.  She told me, "I've never been nervous about him dying though."  She went on to explain, "With kidney failure, right before the end, right before you die, everything begins to taste like metal.  And, that has never happened to him."

Once again I was stunned.  I didn't say anything to her, but of course I immediately remembered how I hadn't even been able to drink water, my usual drink, because everything tasted like metal those couple of weeks when I was so sick!  Wow!

For several years after that ordeal, if I ever shared this account with anyone, I would jokingly say, "If Jeremy had gone back to work one week earlier, I would have been healed one week earlier!"  I truly believed that, because when he went back to work, I had to take care of Denise.  However, one day the Lord spoke to my heart and said, "That's not true, Nikki."

"What?" I questioned Him.

"That's not true.  You weren't just laying in bed sick all that time.  You were listening and meditating on my Word and on healing scriptures.  You heard my Words on healing over and over again."

I thought about that, and I thought about how the Bible says faith comes by hearing and hearing and hearing (etc) the Word of God!  I had never thought about that before, but if Jeremy had gone back to work one week earlier, I might not have stood up that day and boldly proclaimed that I was healed, regardless of how I felt.  No, according to what the Lord was speaking to me, I probably would have called him and told him he needed to come back home because I was in so much pain!

God is so good!  And, I am so thankful.  When I remember this story, it almost doesn't seem real.  I have been in church services where the person ministering has said, "If you wouldn't be alive today without God's supernatural healing touch, raise your hand."  I raise my hand, but it still amazes me to this day that I really was that sick.

Oh, and you may be wondering how that second urine test came back.  Well, it came back that my kidneys were operating at 65%.  Not perfect, but a whole lot better!  Jeremy and I weren't satisfied with those results though.  Jeremy said, "No, we won't be happy until your kidneys are functioning at 100%!  God will do better than that!"

Three months later that kidney specialist had me do another 24 hour urine test.  This time it came back that my kidneys were operating at 97%!  That sounds good, but when he told me that my heart sank a bit, because I knew it wasn't what Jeremy and I had asked God for.  But, then the doctor looked at me and said, "For someone your height and weight, that is 100%!"  I haven't been back to a kidney specialist since that day!  Glory to God!  He's so good, and I give Him all the glory and all the praise!

There is a song that I really like called "Our God is Greater."  I am not sure who wrote it, but I like the version that Chris Tomlin sings.  Anyway, the words seem really fitting to me in this situation:  "Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God, You are higher than any other.  Our God is healer, awesome in power, our God, our God!"  Yep, that's our God!  Greater.  Stronger.  Higher.  Healer.  No matter what you may be going through today, just remember this, HE'S GREATER!!!  

AFTER Denise's Birth, Part 1

Two days before Denise was born, my doctor had me do a 24 hour urine sample as a precautionary test.  He had me do all kinds of precautionary tests, so I didn't really think too much about it, except that it was a pretty big pain to do!  Anyway, the day before I went into labor I dropped that off at the doctor's office.

Jeremy and I celebrated our 9th anniversary three days after Denise was born.  I woke up the morning after that feeling terrible.  I mean, I really felt bad.  It's hard to describe the pain.  It was very intense, and I told Jeremy I felt like I was dying.  It hurt so much.  I hurt from my neck down to my lower pelvic area, and even the movement of breathing hurt.  It was a Saturday, so I told Jeremy I needed go to the emergency room at the hospital where Denise was born.  Something was really wrong, I could tell.

So, we drove to the hospital, and I explained the pain to the nurse in the emergency room.  They ran some tests and found that I had a bladder, bowel infection and kidney infection.  That explained all the pain.  The doctor said maybe I had picked up the infection while I was in the hospital having Denise.  They gave me several antibiotics and sent me home.  Because of the amount of pain that I was in, I thought they might admit me, but I was thankful that they didn't.

Now, Jeremy had taken THREE weeks off work, so we were really looking forward to having all that time together with our new little baby girl and the other two kids.  Unfortunately, I was in so much pain I just went home and pretty much stayed in bed.  I couldn't keep anything down.  Everything that I tried to eat just went straight through me.  It was crazy.  I usually drink a lot of water, but I couldn't even drink that because when I did it had a terrible metal taste.  So, I drank Crystal Light lemonade to try to cover up that metal taste.  And, I basically didn't eat anything, because when I did the pain became more intense, and it didn't stay down anyway.

We set a CD player up in our room, and we put in a healing songs CD that we had.  I listened to that CD constantly.  It was just a few songs, all scriptures set to music.  I kept taking the antibiotics, but I wasn't getting any better.  It was crazy.  Jeremy's whole three weeks off of work went like that.  He took care of Denise all on his own, because I could hardly even get out of bed.  I couldn't eat, and I just laid in bed listening to those healing songs over and over again.  The pain was so intense throughout my entire stomach area that I could hardly move, but Jeremy and I just kept reminding each other that I would get better soon.  The infections would heal and leave.

I also kept reading my Bible, especially Psalm 103.  "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name.  Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all of His benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

Those words blessed me so much at that time.  I clung to those words.  I read them and spoke them and read them and spoke them some more.  I thought about what that scripture was saying to me.  I thought about how God heals all my diseases.  And, I really liked the part about Him satisfying my desires with good things.  My strongest desire at this point was to feel better so that I could take care of my three children, especially my new sweet baby girl.  I would tell the Lord my desire, and thank Him for giving it to me.  I would thank Him that He was renewing my youth like the eagle's.

I didn't really understand that part.  My Uncle Larry, my dad's brother, is a Baptist minister, and he has always liked eagles for as long as I can remember.  I wondered if this scripture had anything to do with that.  I decided to email him and ask him what he thought that last part meant about "your youth being renewed like the eagle's."  His response blessed me so much.  He explained that eagles were one of the only animals that can lose their wings and grow back new ones, just as if the eagle was a newborn eagle.  I wish I still had the email, because I can't remember all that he wrote, but it was something like that.  I hung onto that as well.  Isn't that amazing that the Lord would choose the eagle to use in that passage?  It encouraged me that God would renew my youth just like that, making me just like new, even better than I had been before I got pregnant with Denise.

We, of course, were so thankful to have Denise, but in the natural it didn't look like my body was holding up very well after the birth.  We hadn't even thought about that.  I guess that's a great benefit to praying in tongues.  You can pray out things that you wouldn't think to ever pray.  Guess maybe we should have prayed in tongues more when I was pregnant. :) Anyway, Jeremy's three weeks off work were quickly coming to an end, and I really wasn't any better at all.  I still couldn't keep any food down, and I was still in a lot of pain.

But, I did have a lot of Word in me from reading and meditating on that scripture so much.  And, I had listened to those healing songs so many times.  Constantly, really.  So, on the Monday morning that Jeremy left to go back to work, I was in a lot of pain.  It hurt to even hold Denise close to my stomach to feed her her bottle.  It hurt so much that it brought tears to my eyes.  But, what is a mommy going to do?  What I wanted to do was call Jeremy and tell him how much pain I was in and that he better come right on back home from work.  But, I knew at that moment that if I did that, I would have the pain.  I knew it in my heart.  I had a decision to make.  I could call Jeremy and tell him how awful I felt or I could believe the Bible and get better.

So, I stood up and grabbed my Bible in my hand and held it up.  I said, out loud, "This Bible says that I am healed, and so I am!"  I put it firmly back down on the coffee table, grabbed Denise's bottle, picked her up, and started feeding her that bottle.  I thanked God that He was renewing my strength like the eagle's.  I thanked Him that He was giving me my heart's desire, and that my heart's desire was to be able to take care of this precious baby that He had given me.

The pain did not leave instantly.  It was still there while I was feeding Denise her bottle.  I got up and just went about my day as if I felt perfectly fine, taking care of Denise and things around the house that needed to be done.  Several hours later I was out in the kitchen, and I stopped and just stood there.  I realized that every bit of the pain was gone!  I didn't feel any pain at all, and I hadn't for a while, and I hadn't even noticed!  I cannot tell you when it left.  It seems odd that I wouldn't know, but it was all gone.  When Jeremy got home from work, I had dinner ready and I sat at the table and ate it just like I normally would have before I had gotten so sick.  It stayed down.  From that day on, I was completely fine.  It was nothing short of miraculous!  I was so thankful that I could take care of my three kids now.  Jeremy was thankful too! :)

And, that's the end of part 1!  Part 2 of this story will be out soon! :) Love you all!  Thanks for reading!

Denise LeAnne

I got home from the Women's Conference 2001 on a Sunday, and the next morning I was sitting on my bed putting on my tennis shoes.  I had my foot propped up on the bed, and I was starting to tie that shoe when the Lord spoke to me in the most audible and stern voice that I have ever heard from Him.  I don't know if it was out loud, but I turned my head to look, because it was so real to me.  He commanded, "Get off of that medicine, NOW!"

I mean, it was a command.  I realized it was the Lord, and I said, "Yes, sir!"  Just like that.  I had never responded to Him like that before, but there seemed to be no other response to what He had said but that.  "Yes, sir!"

As I mentioned previously, I had been thinking about getting off of the medicine I was on ever since our conversation that night in the bath tub because I knew it wasn't safe if I ever became pregnant.  Two doctors had warned me of the problems that medicine could cause a baby in the womb, all kinds of birth defects and difficulties.  But, since we weren't planning to have any more kids, it really hadn't been an issue.  And, I really didn't want to get off the medicine because I thought it was going to be a big ordeal with my doctor.  However, after that quick but intense conversation with the Lord, I knew I had to do it.

I called my doctor's office that very morning, and asked for the nurse to call me back.  She did, and I explained that I wanted to get off the medicine.  She said that I couldn't possibly go off that medicine without coming in for an appointment, so I told her I wanted to schedule an appointment.  To me, the appointment went supernaturally well.  I was nervous to tell my doctor, because I thought he would argue with me about it, and also begin lecturing me about not becoming pregnant in the first place.  "Not that we are planning to become pregnant at this point," I reasoned.  "There could be another reason the Lord wants me to get off that medicine besides pregnancy."  I really didn't know, but I did know that His instructions were very clear and direct, and really left me no other option.

I think because of that, I had a new boldness when I talked with my doctor, and I was quite surprised when he just said "OK" and explained to me how to gradually wean my body off the medicine.  So, that was that.  I did what he advised, and got off that medicine.  And, my body responded very well.  It was amazing.

Six weeks later I found out I was pregnant with Denise LeAnne!  Can you believe that?  Of course you can, because you are hearing all this in hindsight, but we truly weren't planning to become pregnant.  And, I have no idea when our sweet Denise was conceived, which may be too much information for you (Ha, ha!), but Jeremy and I were quite surprised by the news that I was pregnant.  And, we were also so very thankful that I wasn't on that medicine any longer!  Glory, glory, glory to God!

To say that God wanted Denise to be born seems like such an understatement to me.  I mean, look at all that He had done just to get me to the place where I even became pregnant.  It was and is so amazing to me!  Anyway, I was not really scared throughout her pregnancy, but I was still nervous.  Jeremy was such an anchor throughout the entire pregnancy.  He prayed for me and for her every single day on his drive to work.  He encouraged me constantly with his words, always speaking about how good she was doing, how well she was growing in my womb.  It was such a blessing and such a help, because I had lots of thoughts I was battling.  After Denise was born, the Lord spoke something very precious to my heart.  He simply said, "You carried Denise throughout that pregnancy, but Jeremy carried you."  It was true.

I also had the doctor's words, which would sneak into my thoughts.  "A baby just won't grow in your womb."  I didn't go to the doctor that said that any more, and my new doctor was wonderful, but he was still very medical-minded (which of course makes sense for a doctor).  He was continually concerned about her growth, and always running tests to make sure she was developing normally.  Towards the end of the pregnancy, he had me get several ultrasounds, and he and the ultrasounds kept saying that she was small.  "She may weigh five pounds," he would tell us.  It was so hard for me to believe, because I am very short- waisted, and she felt huge inside of me.

Denise was due on July 28, 2002.  You may remember that Diane had been 9 days late and Daniel had been 8 days early.  So, we really had no idea when Denise would be born.  Diane kept telling us she would be born on July 28th, her due date.  Diane was exactly right, which she always likes to mention when I tell the story of Denise's birth.  Denise was born exactly on her due date!  I once again decided to have a natural delivery, and the delivery went well.  The first words out of my doctor's mouth after she was born were, "She's huge!"

It makes me smile when I think of it.  The baby that they told us weighed about five pounds actually weighed 8 1/2 pounds!!!  Glory to God!  She definitely wasn't small.  She was big!  God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly MORE than we could even think of or ask for, and He went over the top with Denise!  She was and is such a blessing, such a look at the goodness and love of our Father God!

If you are ever in a situation where someone is telling you one thing, even someone with a lot of knowledge about the subject, and the Word of God/Lord is telling you a different thing, my advice is to always stick with what God is telling you!  I mean, He did create the Heavens and the Earth.  He did make man out of the dust of the Earth.  He made our bodies, and He can heal our bodies.  It is no problem for Him, and He will do it, because He loves us so very much!  He's a good, good, good, good Father, and there is nothing that is too hard for Him!  I guess it's easy to see why I love Him so much!  He's just been so good to me!  And, He'll be that good to you too, even better, if you let Him, because He loves you so much! :)

Set Free!

We pretty much just moved on with our life, and I really didn't think about the baby we miscarried that often.  Every now and then I would, and sometimes I would feel sad that we didn't have her, but for the most part, I just went on living my life and serving my God.  About two years later I was taking a bath one night when the Lord spoke something very surprising to my heart!  Now, it wasn't out loud, but it was definitely Him.  I was just taking my bath when He said, "There's one area of your life where you won't do my will."

Now, if you know me, or if you've been reading my other posts in this blog, you know that got my attention.  I mean, it really got my attention!  I only want to do what God wants, no matter what, and so for Him to say that there was an area in my life where I wouldn't do His will...  Well, I just didn't like hearing that at all!  I instantly said, "What is it, Lord?"

And He replied, "You decided that you weren't going to have any more children."  He really emphasized the "you's" when He spoke that to my heart.

I thought about that for a minute and realized that was exactly what I had done.  I hadn't consulted Him one little bit.  I had just decided, all on my own, that I wouldn't get pregnant again, and that I would never go through a miscarriage again because I wouldn't ever even be pregnant again.  Wow!  It was all as clear as a bell now that the Lord mentioned it to me, but I can honestly say that I had not realized what I had done.  As I sat there, thinking about that, I also saw how prideful I had been.  I had decided that I would take care of myself by not getting pregnant.  But, I had a Heavenly Father who wanted to take care of me, and I hadn't even let Him.

"I'm so sorry, Lord.  You know I only want to do your will."  And, then I said the thing that was really hard for me to say.  I said, "Lord, if you want Jeremy and me to have another baby, we will."  And I meant it.

God is just so good, and He is so very, very patient.  I mean, He IS Patience.  That is just who He is.  Isn't it amazing that He gave me two years to heal before He even mentioned that to me?  Two years!  What a wonderful, loving God we serve.  He's so kind, and so very, very patient with His children.  If people really knew how good and loving He is, everyone would serve Him in an instant.  He is, well, He is, in all senses of the word, LOVE.

Anyway, I was still quite nervous about the thought of becoming pregnant, but I knew that if the Lord wanted us to have another baby, we would.  Thankfully, He hadn't said anything about us having another baby after I said that back to him in the bathtub, so I just went on with life and didn't think too much about it.  Well, I did think a little about it, because at that time I was on some medicine that a person couldn't be on if they were pregnant.  So, I started thinking maybe I should get off that medicine.  I knew my doctor wouldn't be happy with the idea, especially if I told him I was thinking about becoming pregnant, so I just kept pushing the thought about getting off that medicine aside.  I knew it would be a big issue with my doctor, and I didn't want to deal with that!

Meanwhile, I saw in The Word of Faith magazine, distributed by Kenneth Hagin Ministries, that Mrs. Lynette Hagin was going to be having her first ever Women's Conference in September of that year, which was 2001.  I sensed in my spirit that I should go.  I kept thinking about it, so I finally mentioned the idea to Jeremy.  He still had that very demanding work schedule, and in order for me to go, he would have to take off work and watch the kids while I was gone.  I didn't think he would want to do that, but as soon as I mentioned the idea to him, he said, "I think you should go.  I'll take off work and watch the kids."  It was settled. 

So, I registered for the Thursday through Saturday conference, he took off work and I went!  I didn't know what to expect that Thursday evening at the first service, but I was so excited!  Mrs. Hagin ministered that evening on the army of the Lord and how we're all a part of that army.  And, she started talking about how when you're in battle in a natural army, you can't have any fear.  Fear cripples you, she explained.  You have to boldly fight your enemy, and fear is a hindrance.  She did an alter call at the end, and said it was time for all the women who had fear in their lives in any area to come down to the front to get set free from that fear.

Oh, it was a wonderful service, and I was so excited to see that all these ladies were going to be set free from fear.  I was sitting toward the back of the church, and I was praying in agreement with what she was saying, asking the Lord to set these ladies that were going down free from all the fear in their lives.  That's when the Lord spoke to my heart, "You need to go down there."

"Me?" I questioned.  I couldn't think of one area in my life where I had fear.  Fear was something that I really didn't mess around with, and if I started to feel fear in any area of my life, I pretty much dealt with it.  So, I was pretty surprised that He would want me to go down to the front.

"Yes," He said, "You have fear in your life about having another baby."

"Oh," I thought, "That's exactly right."  The Lord truly knows us better than we know ourselves.  So, I ran down to the front.

It sounds long when I write it all out, but it happened very quickly.  And, can you believe that when I got down to the front, Mrs. Hagin was just getting ready to lay hands on her very first person, and she walked straight over to ME?  She laid her hands on me, and commanded any fear to leave my life.  That was pretty much it, but oh my, it was powerful.  I left that service different than when I came into it!  I left that entire weekend different than when I came.  Completely and totally changed, from the inside out.  And, the most amazing thing happened the following Monday morning when I was back at home again.  And, I will share that story in my next blog! :) So, you'll just have to keep reading if you want to hear the rest...

The Heart Break

So, when we moved from Broken Arrow, OK to Olathe, KS in 1999, Diane was four and Daniel was about 7 or 8 months old.  I was also pregnant.  After moving I found a doctor, and we made a lot of plans involving our new baby!  We even chose Diane's preschool based on how close it was to our house.  I remember thinking, "I can just put Daniel and the baby in a stroller, and walk to the preschool to pick up Diane."  I thought the baby was a girl, and we were very excited when I was four and a half months pregnant.  It was the day of the ultrasound to find out for sure if she was a girl or a boy.  The pregnancy had been going well.  I had spotted a tiny, tiny bit a couple of weeks earlier, but it wasn't anything major.  I mean, it could hardly have even been called spotting, and it only happened that one day.

Jeremy had a pretty intense work schedule at this point, but he took off work.  We decided he would stay home with the kids and I would go to the ultrasound alone.  I drove to the office, and they got me all hooked up to the ultrasound machine.  I didn't know the doctor very well, since we had just moved there, and I can't even remember his name.  But, after the ultrasound began, he turned to me and said, "There isn't a heartbeat."

My mind couldn't comprehend what he meant, so I replied, "You mean you can't find the heartbeat?"  Sometimes that can happen when they are just listening for a heartbeat with a stethoscope, so I thought maybe it could happen with an ultrasound machine too.

"No," he gently replied.  "There isn't a heartbeat.  The baby has died."

My head started spinning, and I really didn't know what to say or think.

"I'm sorry," he said.  Then he started telling me that I was going to need some sort of an operation to take the baby out, called a DNC or something like that.  I had never heard of that, and I don't even remember what I was thinking.  I think I was in a daze, at this point.  So, to make a long story short, I called Jeremy, shared the sad news, and a few hours later I was having a surgery to take my precious baby out.  It was all so sad, and didn't even seem like it was happening.

After the surgery, I remember coming home and rocking my sweet little baby Daniel, and just thanking the Lord that I had Diane and Daniel.  I was very blessed that I had two children, a girl and a boy.  I reminded myself that some people can't even have one baby, let alone two, and that I had so much to be thankful for.  Of course, I was still so sad about the baby.  We hadn't planned her, but I had grown pretty attached to her over the last four months!  By the way, they couldn't tell if the baby was a girl or a boy, so I just say "she" because that is what I think she is in Heaven right now.  I know I will meet her when I get there!

After rocking Daniel, I walked into our bathroom, looked into the bathroom mirror, and said to my image in the mirror, "I will never get pregnant again, because I never want to go through this loss again."  And, in my mind, it was settled.  I later shared my thoughts with Jeremy, and he was fine with us not having any more children as well.  

Not the best story, I know, but that's what happened.  And, I was pretty OK with not having any more kids.  A few months after that happened, I started having some health problems, and the doctor I was seeing at that time said she thought that they had probably caused the miscarriage.  I remember her looking at me so intently and telling me that I shouldn't try to have any more children, that a baby just wouldn't grow in my uterus because of these health problems.  She warned me not to become pregnant again.

It seems funny to say now, but I was just fine with this information.  We had already decided not to have anymore kids after that miscarriage, so it lots of ways, it didn't really matter to me that the doctor had said she didn't think I could ever carry a baby again.  I guess in a way it was just a validation of what I was already planning, which was to never become pregnant again.

Thankfully, that is not the end of the story.  That's the great thing about serving God.  It will ALWAYS end in victory, and not defeat!  ALWAYS!  Even death ends in victory for the Christian, because then we just go on to what the Bible says is FAR BETTER than anything we've ever known or experienced here on this Earth!  Praise the Lord!  So, if you want to hear the rest of this story (and there is quite a bit more to it!), you'll have to keep reading!  Have a blessed day!

Forty Days Until School Starts, um, FOR ME!

Well, school starts for me in forty days!  Interesting.  I'm forty years old, and in forty days I will be starting school again. :)  Ha!  Things like that always seem to happen when I'm writing this blog!  Did I ever tell you my class schedule?  I don't think so.  I'm taking Computers for Learning, American Democracy and Citizenship, The Language of Music, Introduction to Multicultural Education and Diversity, Introduction to Elementary Education and Clinical/Field Experience (where I will actually go into the classroom twice a week, and I will be in Branson, by the way!) and Development of the Early Childhood and Elementary School Student.  Seventeen hours!  My adviser recommended that I start out with a light load.  Yeah, sometimes I'm not that great at following advice. :) But, on the other hand, if I take 17 hours this semester, and 16 hours each semester after that, I can student teach in just 2 1/2 years, so I think it's worth it.

Going back to school.  It's interesting the comments I get about it.  Let me share a few. 

"Whew!  I'm glad it's you and not me!"
"I sure wouldn't want to have to study again!"
"How long did you say it's going to take again?"
"That sounds like quite a load you're going to be taking."
"You sure are going to get tired of that drive from Branson to Springfield each day!"

And, here's the thing.  I agree with all that!  I'll think, "Do I really want to do this?  Do I really want to go back to school and study and take tests again?  Do I really want to do that?"  Truthfully, it doesn't sound like much fun doing all the WORK of it.  And I'll think, "I could just get a job and actually earn money now that all my kids are in school."  But, the problem is, the job that I want to get requires a teaching degree.  Because, what I really, really want to do is teach.  So....

I'm going to go back to school and study and take tests and write papers.  I'm going to drive an hour or so one way each day Monday through Friday so that I can take 17 hours of classes.  While my five kids are doing their homework, I will be doing mine also.  And, most importantly, I believe it is what the Lord wants me to do, so I know His grace is going to be there each and every step of the way.  I know that I really can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, because I do have the greater One living on the inside of me, and He's helping me.  Every step of the way, He is helping me!  I'm so thankful for that!  I'm so thankful to HIM!

And, one thing that excites me is that I get to learn all of these things now.  I will be an up-to-date teacher, learning all the things that college students right out of high school are learning.  But, I will also have twenty years of life experience on top of that.  I think that actually puts me a step ahead, even if I don't know how to make a power point presentation on the computer, at least not yet. 

And, I'm learning that I don't have to be perfect.  My older son and I have a lot of similarities.  When he was three years old, he could make basket after basket in a full-size basketball goal.  I am not exaggerating.  He seriously would make more baskets than he would miss.  Three years old!  And, we didn't even work with him.  It just came natural.  So, what did Jeremy and I do?  We signed him up to play basketball!  Well, he hated it!  We would get to the game, and he would actually stand in the middle of the court and not move.  It was crazy!  Week after week, the same thing.  He would not play! 

When we asked him why he wouldn't play and shoot the basket, he told us it was because he was nervous he would miss, and he didn't want to let his team down.  Three years old, and that is what he is thinking!  The thing that he couldn't see was that if he didn't try to make a basket, he missed every time.  The whole "You can never make a shot if you never take a shot" thing.  His second grade teacher really nailed it when she told me, "The thing I notice about Daniel is that he never wants to answer a question until he is 100% sure that he is right." 

I can be a lot like that.  When I take a test, for example, I want to get every question on the test correct.  I don't even want to miss one!  Well, let me tell you, I just had to take this huge College Base Test in order to enter the elementary education program at MSU, and I did not get every question correct.  Not even close.  I may not have even passed part of it.  But that's OK, because even if I didn't pass this time, I will pass it.  I'll just have to take it again, and do better. :)

Jeremy likes to watch NBA Basketball, and I may have this wrong, but I think a team called The Heat won the playoffs this year.  I watched with him, but now I can't quite remember all the details (Imagine that!).  Anyway, their coach says something neat sometimes when they lose a game, "Losing is just practicing for winning the next time," or something like that.  I like that, because every time you lose, you know a little better what to do the next time to help you win.  You know how to play just a little better, because you saw what you did wrong the last time.  But, you've got to get out there and play the game.  You can never win a game that you don't play.  And, you can never pass a test that you don't take.

So, these are some of my thoughts forty days before I start college again.  When it all comes down, here's the thing.  I've looked at the cost of going back to college (and when I say cost, I am not talking about financially, though of course, there is that aspect of going back to college as well), and this is what I've decided.  It's worth it.