Set Free!

We pretty much just moved on with our life, and I really didn't think about the baby we miscarried that often.  Every now and then I would, and sometimes I would feel sad that we didn't have her, but for the most part, I just went on living my life and serving my God.  About two years later I was taking a bath one night when the Lord spoke something very surprising to my heart!  Now, it wasn't out loud, but it was definitely Him.  I was just taking my bath when He said, "There's one area of your life where you won't do my will."

Now, if you know me, or if you've been reading my other posts in this blog, you know that got my attention.  I mean, it really got my attention!  I only want to do what God wants, no matter what, and so for Him to say that there was an area in my life where I wouldn't do His will...  Well, I just didn't like hearing that at all!  I instantly said, "What is it, Lord?"

And He replied, "You decided that you weren't going to have any more children."  He really emphasized the "you's" when He spoke that to my heart.

I thought about that for a minute and realized that was exactly what I had done.  I hadn't consulted Him one little bit.  I had just decided, all on my own, that I wouldn't get pregnant again, and that I would never go through a miscarriage again because I wouldn't ever even be pregnant again.  Wow!  It was all as clear as a bell now that the Lord mentioned it to me, but I can honestly say that I had not realized what I had done.  As I sat there, thinking about that, I also saw how prideful I had been.  I had decided that I would take care of myself by not getting pregnant.  But, I had a Heavenly Father who wanted to take care of me, and I hadn't even let Him.

"I'm so sorry, Lord.  You know I only want to do your will."  And, then I said the thing that was really hard for me to say.  I said, "Lord, if you want Jeremy and me to have another baby, we will."  And I meant it.

God is just so good, and He is so very, very patient.  I mean, He IS Patience.  That is just who He is.  Isn't it amazing that He gave me two years to heal before He even mentioned that to me?  Two years!  What a wonderful, loving God we serve.  He's so kind, and so very, very patient with His children.  If people really knew how good and loving He is, everyone would serve Him in an instant.  He is, well, He is, in all senses of the word, LOVE.

Anyway, I was still quite nervous about the thought of becoming pregnant, but I knew that if the Lord wanted us to have another baby, we would.  Thankfully, He hadn't said anything about us having another baby after I said that back to him in the bathtub, so I just went on with life and didn't think too much about it.  Well, I did think a little about it, because at that time I was on some medicine that a person couldn't be on if they were pregnant.  So, I started thinking maybe I should get off that medicine.  I knew my doctor wouldn't be happy with the idea, especially if I told him I was thinking about becoming pregnant, so I just kept pushing the thought about getting off that medicine aside.  I knew it would be a big issue with my doctor, and I didn't want to deal with that!

Meanwhile, I saw in The Word of Faith magazine, distributed by Kenneth Hagin Ministries, that Mrs. Lynette Hagin was going to be having her first ever Women's Conference in September of that year, which was 2001.  I sensed in my spirit that I should go.  I kept thinking about it, so I finally mentioned the idea to Jeremy.  He still had that very demanding work schedule, and in order for me to go, he would have to take off work and watch the kids while I was gone.  I didn't think he would want to do that, but as soon as I mentioned the idea to him, he said, "I think you should go.  I'll take off work and watch the kids."  It was settled. 

So, I registered for the Thursday through Saturday conference, he took off work and I went!  I didn't know what to expect that Thursday evening at the first service, but I was so excited!  Mrs. Hagin ministered that evening on the army of the Lord and how we're all a part of that army.  And, she started talking about how when you're in battle in a natural army, you can't have any fear.  Fear cripples you, she explained.  You have to boldly fight your enemy, and fear is a hindrance.  She did an alter call at the end, and said it was time for all the women who had fear in their lives in any area to come down to the front to get set free from that fear.

Oh, it was a wonderful service, and I was so excited to see that all these ladies were going to be set free from fear.  I was sitting toward the back of the church, and I was praying in agreement with what she was saying, asking the Lord to set these ladies that were going down free from all the fear in their lives.  That's when the Lord spoke to my heart, "You need to go down there."

"Me?" I questioned.  I couldn't think of one area in my life where I had fear.  Fear was something that I really didn't mess around with, and if I started to feel fear in any area of my life, I pretty much dealt with it.  So, I was pretty surprised that He would want me to go down to the front.

"Yes," He said, "You have fear in your life about having another baby."

"Oh," I thought, "That's exactly right."  The Lord truly knows us better than we know ourselves.  So, I ran down to the front.

It sounds long when I write it all out, but it happened very quickly.  And, can you believe that when I got down to the front, Mrs. Hagin was just getting ready to lay hands on her very first person, and she walked straight over to ME?  She laid her hands on me, and commanded any fear to leave my life.  That was pretty much it, but oh my, it was powerful.  I left that service different than when I came into it!  I left that entire weekend different than when I came.  Completely and totally changed, from the inside out.  And, the most amazing thing happened the following Monday morning when I was back at home again.  And, I will share that story in my next blog! :) So, you'll just have to keep reading if you want to hear the rest...