God-pleaser!

Yeah, basically I was one way one day, and completely different the next!  I look back on that time, and I can only imagine what it was like for my family, especially my parents (Now that I am a parent, and especially now that I am a parent of three teenagers, I feel I can relate to what my parents may have been feeling.).  I truly was a completely different person.

For the first twenty years of my life, I was a people-pleaser.  I'm not sure why, but that's the way I was.  All my life, I wanted everyone, and I mean everyone, to be happy with me.  My parents divorced when I was five, and I wanted to please them both.  I wanted to please my mom and I wanted to please my dad.  If situations arose where it wasn't possible to please both of them, it was very stressful and emotional for me.  I wanted to please my teachers.  I wanted to please everyone.  I never wanted anyone to be mad at me, and if they were, I did whatever I could to try to fix the situation.  I think if you looked up people-pleaser in the dictionary, it had my name written right beside it!  And, of course, at that point in my life, I wanted to please my boyfriend, Jeremy, most of all.

But, everything changed that day in April.  I had put God first in my life, and there was a new boldness about me that hadn't been there before.  And, the Lord spoke the most freeing thing to me.  Now, here's something interesting that seems simple, but maybe it isn't.  The Lord KNOWS you!  He does!  He knows you, and He knows just what will help you the most in your life.  And, He knew me so well, even though I didn't know Him very well at all.  And, He spoke these words to my heart, not out loud, but I knew that it was Him.

"The only Person you have to please from now on is me."

Words cannot describe the relief that flooded me.  Wow!  I only have to please one person from here on out!  That's it!  It was a freedom I had never experienced, and I was so excited about this wonderful revelation.  I guess that's what it really was to me, a revelation.

And, it got bigger.  You see, like I said previously, I was a resident assistant and I had a room all to myself, so besides going to school full-time and my resident assistant duties, I had a lot of time to spend with the Lord.  I read the Bible some, but mostly I prayed.  I talked to God constantly about anything and everything, and He spoke back to me.  I was in awe every time I heard that still, soft voice say something to me.  It was a dream-come-true for me, actually.  I was so thankful to know that God loved me.  I was so thankful to know that God was pleased with me.

Let me add a little side-note here.  There is NOTHING, and I do mean NOTHING, more fulfilling than knowing that God is pleased with you.  Nothing will ever give you a peace to stand in the face of opposition like that will.  Because really, who cares what everyone else thinks about you if God is pleased with you?  And, that was my stance in life at this point.  And, I was pretty on-fire, bold about it!

So, during that month or so that was left of my sophomore year of college, I asked the Lord what His plan was for me, if He had one.  (I didn't know at this point that God has a plan for EVERYONE!  I had no idea about that.)  Interestingly enough, his plan for me was just what I wanted to do and hadn't even realized.  God truly knows the desires of your heart, even more than you do. :)

So, one day during that time, He spoke to my heart once again and said He wanted me to leave Emporia State University, go to Bible school somewhere (He didn't say where then.) and study music ministry.  And, I cannot express the joy that brought me.  Go to Bible school!  Learn more about my Lord!  And, music ministry, of all things!  Singing was something I had always enjoyed, but never felt I was good enough at to pursue.  Guess what?  If God tells you you're good enough, then you are! I love Him so much!

You can only imagine how this was for my family!  I mean, I was completely different, but they were still the same.  My step-dad, Bill, was talking with Jeremy a short while after all this had occurred, and Bill told Jeremy, "I just feel like we've lost Nikki."

Jeremy responded so wisely.  He said, "In a sense, we all have.  She's living for God now, and she's going to do whatever He tells her to do."

Yep, that pretty much summed it all up.  In one day I went from being a complete people-pleaser to a total God-pleaser, and I haven't looked back since!  And, the ride continues, but more on that in my next blog!