What Do You Want To Be?

So, I turned 40 in January of this year. It doesn't really seem like a big deal to me, and one afternoon I was driving in my car, and the title of my blog popped into my head. "Turning Forty, and Other Irrelevancies." I like it, and I believe it's true.  It really is irrelevant how old you are, unless you decide to make it relevant in your life.

"I can't do that because I'm too old!" (If you think so.)

"I can't do this because I'm too young!" (If you think so.)

Anyway, a quick little overview about me, beside the fact that I turned 40, which is, of course, irrelevant! :) I've been married to my wonderful husband for almost 19 years now, and we have 5 (Yes, 5!) children.  I've basically been a stay-at-home mom for most of my kids' lives.  Our oldest is 17 and my youngest is 5 (with a 15, 13 and 9 year old in the middle), and four years ago when we moved to Branson, MO, I did start working full-time as a lobby bank teller.  I did that for 2 years, and then I did a home daycare for one year, and now I work very part-time at Bath and Body Works.  Blah, blah, blah.  I know, interesting information, right? :) Enough about that.

Growing up, I always said I wanted to be a teacher.  There's a lot of pressure when you're growing up to know just what you want to be, or at least it felt that way to me.  And, I really did want to be a teacher, so that is what I always said.  However, in my heart of hearts, I knew what I really wanted was to be closer to God (but who says that kind of a thing when people ask what you want to be?).  And, I really wanted to be a wife and mommy (but it's really hard to do both of those things without a husband, which of course, I didn't have when I was in high school).  So, I just pretty much just stuck with the "I want to be a teacher" answer, and everyone seemed pretty fine with that.

So, right after high school I went to Emporia State University (aka The Teacher's College) and began taking courses towards that goal.  However, I wasn't really satisfied in my heart of hearts, like I was saying earlier.  I felt like there really had to be MORE to life than just getting married, having kids and being a teacher, but I really wasn't sure what it was.  I did think that it had to do with really knowing God, but how do you really know God?  I didn't know, so I just kept doing well in my classes and sticking with the "I want to be  a teacher" thing.

I got to go into the elementary school classroom my sophomore year of college (Let's see that would have been in 1991 and I have no qualms about telling you this, because of course, you already know that I am 40, and if you read the title of my blog, you see that to me, that is completely irrelevant. So, yes, I believe it was 1991 at this time.) and at that point in my life, I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life teaching.  I wanted adventure, excitement, knowledge of God...not spending every day in the classroom teaching elementary kids.  I (wrongly) felt like that if I got my degree in teaching that is what I would have to do the rest of my life!  Of course, that is not true.  But, you must understand, the family I grew up in got a job and stuck with it until retirement. That's what my mom did.  That's what my step-dad did.  That's what my aunt did.  And, I figured that was what I would have to do also.  And, it scared me.

So, I began seeking God constantly.  I began asking Him what His plan was for my life, even though I had no idea if there was any way He could answer me.  Nonetheless, I asked.  I prayed.  I wanted to know His plan, if He even did have a plan for my life.  I didn't really know, but I was convinced that if I could find out what God wanted me to do, I would be set.  I figured that if anyone knew the perfect thing for me to do with my life, it was Him.  So, I sought Him.

And, He is SO wonderful, SO faithful, SO above and beyond anything that we could ever ask or think!  He heard my cry, and He answered me.  But, more about that in my next post! :) Thanks for reading!