When I was in the fourth grade my mom and I were driving somewhere in my small hometown of Parsons, KS, and we drove by a home where children lived that were in foster care. My mom mentioned something about the house, and I asked her who lived there. She explained to me that kids that didn't have anywhere to live stayed there. I couldn't comprehend that, so I asked her some more questions, and she explained that sometimes children couldn't live with their parents for various reasons, and so they sometimes moved into a group home, and that was what that house was.
This was completely new and disturbing information to me! I couldn't believe that some kids didn't have anywhere to live. Why wouldn't they be with their parents? The only reason I could come up with was that their parents must have died. That was how naive I was at that time in my life. I was so sad to think of those kids living there without a mom and dad to take care of them. I wanted to help them, but I really didn't know what I could do, since I was just a kid myself.
Now, I've always been a night owl. My mom would put me to bed at a certain time each night, but most of the time I didn't go right to sleep. I would just lay in bed trying to sleep, but I would be awake. So, I would lay there and talk to God. I would tell Him about my day, my thoughts, my dreams. After this new realization about some kids not having parents, I began telling God that someday I wanted to adopt one of those kids, and give them a home. I wanted to be a mom to someone that didn't have one. That's what I wanted to do, and that was what I was going to do. I pretty much decided that in the fourth grade.
When Jeremy and I got married, he knew about this. He knew that I wanted to adopt a child some day, and that I really wanted to adopt an older child who wasn't as likely to get adopted. And, I think he was fine with that idea, though I don't think we really talked about it much. And, pretty much as soon as we got married, I would have adopted a child that needed a home. He wasn't as interested, and he was exactly right not to be too, because the time for us to adopt was definitely not right! :) In my heart I knew that it wasn't the right time, but I still wanted to do it, sometimes so much I could hardly bear it, so I began praying and asking God to just lay it on Jeremy's heart when it was the right time for us to adopt someone. I asked God to give him a strong desire to adopt when and if the time was ever right. Because, I was ready to do it right then and that just wasn't what we were supposed to do. Sometimes feelings can really get in the way of being led by God if you let them.
So, throughout the first five or six years of our marriage, I would mention adopting to Jeremy every so often, but he never really seemed too interested in the idea. I would show him a picture of a child waiting to be adopted that I had seen in a newspaper, and he really wouldn't say much. That desire was still very strong inside me, but it wasn't in Jeremy, so I knew the time just wasn't right. How did I know that? I knew it because I had asked the Lord to lay adoption on Jeremy's heart when the time was right, and since he wasn't interested in adopting, I knew the time wasn't right. When the time was right, Jeremy would want to adopt as well. And, that was that, until one day...
It was Jeremy and my anniversary, and we had gone out for the evening, and had decided to stop at the Oak Park Mall in Overland Park, KS. We lived in Olathe, KS at the time. As we were walking into the mall, I picked up a local newspaper-type magazine and as we were driving home, I was flipping through that local magazine and I saw a feature about a child waiting to be adopted. Her name was Jennifer and she was 13 years old. She was so pretty, and my heart just went out to her. I wanted her right there on the spot! I showed her picture to Jeremy, and he didn't say much, something like, "That sure is sad." And, that was all that was said. We got home and I didn't think anything else about it.
About three days later Jeremy called me from work and caught me completely off guard by saying, quite boldly, "Nikki, we have got to adopt one of those children from that magazine! I've been going to their website every day here at work, and looking at all these children that need homes. I look at those kids and it actually makes me cry. (My husband, by the way, does not cry very easily!) We can't help them all, but we could adopt one of them!"
I definitely surprised him by responding, "OK."
Now he was the one caught off guard! He asked, "Don't you at least want to pray about it? It is a pretty big decision to adopt a child!"
And, I said, "Nope, I already want to adopt. You know that. I have since I was a little girl. And, now that you want to also, the timing must be right. Let's do it!"
Jeremy told me later, as we went further down the adoption road, that he never had realized just how much I wanted to adopt a child. It truly was my heart's desire, and now that he wanted to as well, I was happy to tell anyone that would listen how excited I was to adopt a child that needed a home! I didn't mention it a lot to him in the early years of our marriage because I never wanted to put pressure on him. I really wanted it to be the Lord's timing when we did it, and I know that a wife can have a big influence on her husband, so I didn't want to influence him to adopt at the wrong time (even though I really wanted to do it right then!). No, it is always better to wait on the Lord's timing for things, so I guess that is why he never really knew how much I wanted to adopt until that day when he called me from work telling me that he wanted one of those precious children!
So, it was either later that week or the next week that we started the adoption process! Praise the Lord! He is so good, and I am so thankful! Of course, there's a lot more to this story that I will have to continue in another post! :) Love and blessings to you all!
Friday, September 14, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
My First Week
School has started! I am back at college after being out for twenty years. I must say, it is so different and so much the same. And, I'm enjoying it.
Computer Class: Before my first class had even started on Monday morning, the guy sitting three seats down from me asked me how old I was. Now, I'm definitely a mother, and the first thing I felt like telling him was, "That is a rude question, so remember not to ask people that in the future, unless they are your close friends." I was not offended, but I do feel like this is something he needs to know. However, since I am not his mom (and yes, I realize that I could be his mom, since every student in that class appeared to be under the age of 20 except for me), I did not respond that way. I simply told him I was forty. My witty and clever husband told me I should have said, "I'm 40. How much do you weigh?" He always thinks of the good things to say! :) And, another note I must add, this same young man helped me answer a question on our group quiz on Friday, so he has redeemed himself a little in my eyes at this point! :)
Parking: On Monday parking was pretty uneventful for me, and I didn't think too much about it. However, on Tuesday, after dropping Denise and Derek off at school at the earliest possible time and driving the hour drive to campus, I only had twenty minutes to spare until class began. This is when I quickly learned, much to my sadness, that Denise and Derek are going to have to ride the bus on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I guess a lot of students like to take classes on those days, and parking was a nightmare. I drove into the first parking lot, then the second, and then the third, where I actually got stuck behind five other cars. There were hundreds of cars (OK, that could be a bit of an exaggeration, but there were a lot of cars!), and there were absolutely no parking spots! I finally decided to go to the 4 story parking garage where I had parked on Monday, and thankfully there was a spot in there. However, by this time my class had already started, and that parking lot is about a mile away from my class! Yep, I was 15 minutes late to class on my first day, and I really don't like to be late!
Backpacks: So, I quickly learned that Tuesday morning that carrying 20 pounds of books on my back all over campus is not for this chick! Nope, I am way too old and tired to carry that much for miles on end! Truthfully, all you mommies out there, it makes taking three babies to the grocery store seem like a piece of cake! An enjoyable, delightful piece of double chocolate cake! By the end of Tuesday, my shoulders ached and I realized that I would have to do something different. This backpack-thing was not going to work out for me! Yes, I am one smart cookie (Maybe I am feeling hungry for desserts or something!), and a light bulb went off inside my head. A backpack on wheels! I remembered that long ago Jeremy had gotten Daniel a light-up orange and camouflage backpack that is on wheels. You guessed it! As soon as I got home on Tuesday night I found that thing and loaded it up with my books. I now wheel my 20 pounds of books around campus with that backpack, and I truly don't care if I look silly! :) I know, all those cool college kids carry their books on their backs, but I think I really am the smart one. And, my shoulders don't ache any longer. I cannot begin to tell you how happy Daniel's backpack makes me!
The Crying: Well, Tuesday is my long day (from 9:30 a.m to 7:20 p.m.) and this first week of classes one of my Tuesday classes was cancelled because the instructor had surgery. So, I had a 2 hour and 15 minute break. What to do? I do not like to waste time in this kind of a situation, so I decided I would go sit at the Plaster Student Union and read chapter one of my Education Psychology book. Redeem the time, so to speak. That was the class I would have been in, and we had been assigned chapter one, so why not sit over there and read it? It began innocently enough, but as I got further into the chapter, I realized I may not be able to read this book in public. I had gotten to about page five, and the tears started rolling down my cheeks.
The section I was reading was titled, "Do Teachers Make a Difference?" and the book began telling stories about real situations of teachers who had made a difference. Things that may seem small to some, and yet they touched my heart in such a profound way that I found myself choked up, right there in my chair in Plaster Student Union, surrounded by college students laughing, texting and eating all around me. The first story was about a teacher who helped several students that didn't speak any English when they came into her first grade class. The second was about a 5th grade teacher who taught his very diverse class "process writing," journals, responsibility, fairness, science, social studies. Common, teacher things, and yet the methods that he used impressed me. Actually, maybe not just that, but his love for his students impressed me. I think that was it.
The third was about a teacher who helped a student with severe learning difficulties become successful, not just in her classroom, but in life in general. The next was about an advanced math teacher who showed his class how to rewrite a chapter that they thought did not make sense in their textbook. The examples continued, but I am sure that you get the idea. I kept reading, despite the tears, and then I got down to the bottom of page nine. That was when I decided I would have to quit reading this textbook in public or someone was sure to think that I had just experienced a death in my family! And, what did the bottom of page 9 say, you may wonder.
Advice a 1st-grade class of students gave their student teacher before she left :
(Remember that these are actually written by 1st-graders.)
1. Teach us as much as you can.
2. Give us homework.
3. Help us when we have problems with our work.
4. Help us do the right thing.
5. Help us make a family in school.
6. Read books to us.
7. Teach us to read.
8. Help us write about faraway places.
9. Give us lots of compliments, like "Oh, that is so beautiful."
10. Smile at us.
11. Take us for walks and on trips.
12. Respect us.
13. Help us get our education.
Yeah, pretty precious, huh? So, I closed my book and decided I was unable to read such material in the student union. It just touches my heart too much. The book did pose this question, "Does reading these examples make you nervous for beginning your teaching career?" Nervous? Are you kidding me? Actually reading those examples makes me so excited to get into a classroom with some students I can hardly contain myself!
So, going back to school after twenty years is not the easiest thing. It truly isn't. And yet, I feel as if I cannot do anything else, because this is what I have to do in order to be able to get into that classroom and teach and love on those kids. So, this is what I will do. And, I plan to learn as much as I can. And, now I have to go, because I have a lot of homework to do this weekend, and writing this blog is not getting that accomplished! Love to you all! Thanks for reading! And, one final thought, sometimes the things that are the hardest to do are the most worthwhile in the end. I am sure this is not an original thought of mine. I have probably heard it somewhere. I don't know where, but I have been thinking about it this week, and I know that in the end, going back to school will be worth it, more than worth it, for me, for my family, and for all the students that I will have the privilege of teaching.
Computer Class: Before my first class had even started on Monday morning, the guy sitting three seats down from me asked me how old I was. Now, I'm definitely a mother, and the first thing I felt like telling him was, "That is a rude question, so remember not to ask people that in the future, unless they are your close friends." I was not offended, but I do feel like this is something he needs to know. However, since I am not his mom (and yes, I realize that I could be his mom, since every student in that class appeared to be under the age of 20 except for me), I did not respond that way. I simply told him I was forty. My witty and clever husband told me I should have said, "I'm 40. How much do you weigh?" He always thinks of the good things to say! :) And, another note I must add, this same young man helped me answer a question on our group quiz on Friday, so he has redeemed himself a little in my eyes at this point! :)
Parking: On Monday parking was pretty uneventful for me, and I didn't think too much about it. However, on Tuesday, after dropping Denise and Derek off at school at the earliest possible time and driving the hour drive to campus, I only had twenty minutes to spare until class began. This is when I quickly learned, much to my sadness, that Denise and Derek are going to have to ride the bus on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I guess a lot of students like to take classes on those days, and parking was a nightmare. I drove into the first parking lot, then the second, and then the third, where I actually got stuck behind five other cars. There were hundreds of cars (OK, that could be a bit of an exaggeration, but there were a lot of cars!), and there were absolutely no parking spots! I finally decided to go to the 4 story parking garage where I had parked on Monday, and thankfully there was a spot in there. However, by this time my class had already started, and that parking lot is about a mile away from my class! Yep, I was 15 minutes late to class on my first day, and I really don't like to be late!
Backpacks: So, I quickly learned that Tuesday morning that carrying 20 pounds of books on my back all over campus is not for this chick! Nope, I am way too old and tired to carry that much for miles on end! Truthfully, all you mommies out there, it makes taking three babies to the grocery store seem like a piece of cake! An enjoyable, delightful piece of double chocolate cake! By the end of Tuesday, my shoulders ached and I realized that I would have to do something different. This backpack-thing was not going to work out for me! Yes, I am one smart cookie (Maybe I am feeling hungry for desserts or something!), and a light bulb went off inside my head. A backpack on wheels! I remembered that long ago Jeremy had gotten Daniel a light-up orange and camouflage backpack that is on wheels. You guessed it! As soon as I got home on Tuesday night I found that thing and loaded it up with my books. I now wheel my 20 pounds of books around campus with that backpack, and I truly don't care if I look silly! :) I know, all those cool college kids carry their books on their backs, but I think I really am the smart one. And, my shoulders don't ache any longer. I cannot begin to tell you how happy Daniel's backpack makes me!
The Crying: Well, Tuesday is my long day (from 9:30 a.m to 7:20 p.m.) and this first week of classes one of my Tuesday classes was cancelled because the instructor had surgery. So, I had a 2 hour and 15 minute break. What to do? I do not like to waste time in this kind of a situation, so I decided I would go sit at the Plaster Student Union and read chapter one of my Education Psychology book. Redeem the time, so to speak. That was the class I would have been in, and we had been assigned chapter one, so why not sit over there and read it? It began innocently enough, but as I got further into the chapter, I realized I may not be able to read this book in public. I had gotten to about page five, and the tears started rolling down my cheeks.
The section I was reading was titled, "Do Teachers Make a Difference?" and the book began telling stories about real situations of teachers who had made a difference. Things that may seem small to some, and yet they touched my heart in such a profound way that I found myself choked up, right there in my chair in Plaster Student Union, surrounded by college students laughing, texting and eating all around me. The first story was about a teacher who helped several students that didn't speak any English when they came into her first grade class. The second was about a 5th grade teacher who taught his very diverse class "process writing," journals, responsibility, fairness, science, social studies. Common, teacher things, and yet the methods that he used impressed me. Actually, maybe not just that, but his love for his students impressed me. I think that was it.
The third was about a teacher who helped a student with severe learning difficulties become successful, not just in her classroom, but in life in general. The next was about an advanced math teacher who showed his class how to rewrite a chapter that they thought did not make sense in their textbook. The examples continued, but I am sure that you get the idea. I kept reading, despite the tears, and then I got down to the bottom of page nine. That was when I decided I would have to quit reading this textbook in public or someone was sure to think that I had just experienced a death in my family! And, what did the bottom of page 9 say, you may wonder.
Advice a 1st-grade class of students gave their student teacher before she left :
(Remember that these are actually written by 1st-graders.)
1. Teach us as much as you can.
2. Give us homework.
3. Help us when we have problems with our work.
4. Help us do the right thing.
5. Help us make a family in school.
6. Read books to us.
7. Teach us to read.
8. Help us write about faraway places.
9. Give us lots of compliments, like "Oh, that is so beautiful."
10. Smile at us.
11. Take us for walks and on trips.
12. Respect us.
13. Help us get our education.
Yeah, pretty precious, huh? So, I closed my book and decided I was unable to read such material in the student union. It just touches my heart too much. The book did pose this question, "Does reading these examples make you nervous for beginning your teaching career?" Nervous? Are you kidding me? Actually reading those examples makes me so excited to get into a classroom with some students I can hardly contain myself!
So, going back to school after twenty years is not the easiest thing. It truly isn't. And yet, I feel as if I cannot do anything else, because this is what I have to do in order to be able to get into that classroom and teach and love on those kids. So, this is what I will do. And, I plan to learn as much as I can. And, now I have to go, because I have a lot of homework to do this weekend, and writing this blog is not getting that accomplished! Love to you all! Thanks for reading! And, one final thought, sometimes the things that are the hardest to do are the most worthwhile in the end. I am sure this is not an original thought of mine. I have probably heard it somewhere. I don't know where, but I have been thinking about it this week, and I know that in the end, going back to school will be worth it, more than worth it, for me, for my family, and for all the students that I will have the privilege of teaching.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Divine Protection
Diane, our 17 year old, and Daniel, our 13 year old, are on their way to Parsons, KS to visit their grandparents. All alone. All their idea. It is so sweet that they want to go visit their grandparents. However, there can be something very odd and unsettling for a parent when two of their children pull out of the driveway, alone, to head off on a road trip. It takes a lot of trust in God to raise children, but it may take even more to let them go out into the world all on their own. Good thing I trust God so much, and know that He is always looking out for my kids. Good thing that He is so worthy of that trust, and more than able to take care of my kids.
A pastor's wife I knew told me that the minute her first child was born she told the Lord, "I can't always be with her to take care of her, and even if I could, I know that You can take way better care of her than I ever could, even when I am with her. So, I'm putting her in your hands, and I know that you will take care of her each and every minute of her life." She said she did that and she decided right then and there that she would never worry about her daughter. She decided she would trust her life to the Lord, and know that He was more than big enough to take care of her. I like that. I like that a lot.
The kids heading off to Parsons reminded me of something that happened about thirteen years ago when we were on our way to Parsons from Broken Arrow, OK. There's an account in the Bible in the book of Numbers about a time when the Lord actually caused a donkey to be able to speak to his master Balaam. Balaam was upset with his donkey because the donkey wouldn't move. His donkey actually saw an angel of the Lord that Balaam didn't see blocking the way, and Balaam kept hitting his donkey. And, the Lord miraculously caused the donkey to be able to speak to Balaam and ask him why he kept hitting him. The account is in Numbers 22 if you want to read it.
Back to our story... When Daniel was a baby, Jeremy, Diane, Daniel and I all headed in our white Oldsmobile to Parsons, KS from Broken Arrow, OK for a weekend trip. We were staying with Jeremy's parents and they lived on the south side of town. I was driving and Jeremy was sleeping in the passenger seat beside me. Daniel was behind me in the back, and Diane was behind Jeremy. I decided I would take a shortcut to get to his parents' house. I had to go down a country gravel road to do it, but since his parents lived on that side of town, it would take us right to their house, saving about 15 or 20 minutes driving time. I'm all about short cuts!
So, I'm driving along on that gravel road and Jeremy is sleeping soundly beside me. Suddenly, Jeremy bolted up and said, "Stop! Train!"
I was so surprised, but I instantly just slammed on the brakes. Right then a train whooshed by in front of us about 5 feet from our car. It all happened very quickly, and we just sat there watching the train.
After my shock wore off, I began apologizing to Jeremy. "I'm so sorry, honey! I didn't even see that train." Then I started thinking about what had happened, so I added, "I thought you were asleep. How did YOU see that train coming?"
I looked at the surroundings. There were bushes and trees grown up all around the sides of the track, and there was nothing marking the train track. If I would have been guessing, I would have thought that track wasn't even used any longer. But, obviously it was, since a train was zipping by in front of us!
Jeremy said, "I was asleep, Nikki. I don't know what happened. I just sat up and said, 'Stop! Train!' but I didn't know there was a train either. I was asleep."
We thanked God for protecting us, and after the train passed by we proceeded the 15 more minutes to his parents house. About five minutes later Jeremy said, "Well, I guess if God can talk through a donkey to Balaam, he can talk through me when I'm sleeping!"
Glory to God! He supernaturally protected us that day! He's such a good Father, and He takes such good care of His children. And, He will always take good care of our children, too! I believe it! :) And, I trust Him!
A pastor's wife I knew told me that the minute her first child was born she told the Lord, "I can't always be with her to take care of her, and even if I could, I know that You can take way better care of her than I ever could, even when I am with her. So, I'm putting her in your hands, and I know that you will take care of her each and every minute of her life." She said she did that and she decided right then and there that she would never worry about her daughter. She decided she would trust her life to the Lord, and know that He was more than big enough to take care of her. I like that. I like that a lot.
The kids heading off to Parsons reminded me of something that happened about thirteen years ago when we were on our way to Parsons from Broken Arrow, OK. There's an account in the Bible in the book of Numbers about a time when the Lord actually caused a donkey to be able to speak to his master Balaam. Balaam was upset with his donkey because the donkey wouldn't move. His donkey actually saw an angel of the Lord that Balaam didn't see blocking the way, and Balaam kept hitting his donkey. And, the Lord miraculously caused the donkey to be able to speak to Balaam and ask him why he kept hitting him. The account is in Numbers 22 if you want to read it.
Back to our story... When Daniel was a baby, Jeremy, Diane, Daniel and I all headed in our white Oldsmobile to Parsons, KS from Broken Arrow, OK for a weekend trip. We were staying with Jeremy's parents and they lived on the south side of town. I was driving and Jeremy was sleeping in the passenger seat beside me. Daniel was behind me in the back, and Diane was behind Jeremy. I decided I would take a shortcut to get to his parents' house. I had to go down a country gravel road to do it, but since his parents lived on that side of town, it would take us right to their house, saving about 15 or 20 minutes driving time. I'm all about short cuts!
So, I'm driving along on that gravel road and Jeremy is sleeping soundly beside me. Suddenly, Jeremy bolted up and said, "Stop! Train!"
I was so surprised, but I instantly just slammed on the brakes. Right then a train whooshed by in front of us about 5 feet from our car. It all happened very quickly, and we just sat there watching the train.
After my shock wore off, I began apologizing to Jeremy. "I'm so sorry, honey! I didn't even see that train." Then I started thinking about what had happened, so I added, "I thought you were asleep. How did YOU see that train coming?"
I looked at the surroundings. There were bushes and trees grown up all around the sides of the track, and there was nothing marking the train track. If I would have been guessing, I would have thought that track wasn't even used any longer. But, obviously it was, since a train was zipping by in front of us!
Jeremy said, "I was asleep, Nikki. I don't know what happened. I just sat up and said, 'Stop! Train!' but I didn't know there was a train either. I was asleep."
We thanked God for protecting us, and after the train passed by we proceeded the 15 more minutes to his parents house. About five minutes later Jeremy said, "Well, I guess if God can talk through a donkey to Balaam, he can talk through me when I'm sleeping!"
Glory to God! He supernaturally protected us that day! He's such a good Father, and He takes such good care of His children. And, He will always take good care of our children, too! I believe it! :) And, I trust Him!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
How Jeremy and I Met
Jeremy and I grew up in the same small town of Parsons, KS. I lived there all my life; he moved there in third grade. We attended different elementary schools, but in middle school everyone attended the same school. We didn't know each other personally, but our school wasn't too big, so I did know of him. Something interesting did happen our sixth grade year. As a fundraiser, the student council had everyone in the school fill out a questionnaire answering various questions about themselves. They sent them into a company that matched people of the opposite sex up by their compatibility. When the results were in, we could purchase them for a dollar. Of course everyone wanted to see who they were matched up with! It listed your top ten matches. Guess who was number one on my list? A boy named (Drum-roll, please!) Jeremy Storment. That was my first introduction to Jeremy. He was number one on my list so I, of course, looked him up in our school yearbook to see who he was. I really didn't think too much else about it at the time, but isn't that something?
In high school we also didn't have any classes together, though we did have one class together our Sophomore year. But, he ran around with a different group of friends than I did, and we didn't sit by each other in that class, so we didn't really talk at all. However, we did work at the same place, Wilson Art & Frame Shop. I worked in the shop, helping the customers and doing various other things around the shop. And, Jeremy worked in the garage behind the shop making the frames. We still didn't talk though, because we didn't really see each other, even though we were there at the same time. I do remember one day Jane, the shop owner and my boss, telling me to go outside and ask Jeremy to carry some frames upstairs for me. I was organizing the frame room up there. So, I did that. I was very talkative with Jeremy, but he didn't seem too interested in talking with me (He answered every question I asked him with a one-word answer.) so nothing really came of that encounter either. He now tells me that he was too nervous to talk much to me that day, and was also too busy noticing my legs. :) Mini-skirts were popular back then, and I had one on that day.
So, about two years later, during our second semester of our Senior year, Jeremy and I actually met and started talking. We had Senior year Government class together, and I was already in the room that first day of class when he walked into class. We could sit anywhere we wanted, and I had chosen a seat over in the front corner of the room. Then I saw Jeremy walk in, and I remembered that computer dating match-up sheet from our sixth grade year. I thought to myself, "I got him as number one on my list, and here we are, seniors in high school, and I've never even gotten to know him at all. I think I'll move seats and sit in front of him."
So, I picked up my things and moved to the seat right in front of Jeremy, making an excuse about wanting to sit next to another friend of mine. However, if anyone would have been thinking about it, they would have known that wasn't really true, because that friend was sitting a row ahead of me, so the seat I chose was actually diagonal from her. Isn't high school fun? I cannot imagine putting so much thought into where I sit now, but back then it was of upmost importance! Well, I don't think anyone was thinking too much about why I was sitting where I was sitting, so it all worked out fine, better than fine actually. And, Jeremy and I became best friends from that day on. We seriously did. And, we've been best friends ever since.
I am so thankful to God for the way everything started out for us, because neither of us were really living for the Lord back then, and yet God orchestrated everything and brought us together. Another neat thing was that we just became best friends for a year. We didn't actually begin a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship until a year later. I highly recommend that, because we really got to know each other before we became romantically involved. Our relationship was founded on a very solid friendship, and I know that has made a big difference our entire marriage. He truly is my best friend and the love of my life! Happy 19th Anniversary, Jeremy! I love you! The computer match-up list from sixth grade was right! You are my number one! :)
In high school we also didn't have any classes together, though we did have one class together our Sophomore year. But, he ran around with a different group of friends than I did, and we didn't sit by each other in that class, so we didn't really talk at all. However, we did work at the same place, Wilson Art & Frame Shop. I worked in the shop, helping the customers and doing various other things around the shop. And, Jeremy worked in the garage behind the shop making the frames. We still didn't talk though, because we didn't really see each other, even though we were there at the same time. I do remember one day Jane, the shop owner and my boss, telling me to go outside and ask Jeremy to carry some frames upstairs for me. I was organizing the frame room up there. So, I did that. I was very talkative with Jeremy, but he didn't seem too interested in talking with me (He answered every question I asked him with a one-word answer.) so nothing really came of that encounter either. He now tells me that he was too nervous to talk much to me that day, and was also too busy noticing my legs. :) Mini-skirts were popular back then, and I had one on that day.
So, about two years later, during our second semester of our Senior year, Jeremy and I actually met and started talking. We had Senior year Government class together, and I was already in the room that first day of class when he walked into class. We could sit anywhere we wanted, and I had chosen a seat over in the front corner of the room. Then I saw Jeremy walk in, and I remembered that computer dating match-up sheet from our sixth grade year. I thought to myself, "I got him as number one on my list, and here we are, seniors in high school, and I've never even gotten to know him at all. I think I'll move seats and sit in front of him."
So, I picked up my things and moved to the seat right in front of Jeremy, making an excuse about wanting to sit next to another friend of mine. However, if anyone would have been thinking about it, they would have known that wasn't really true, because that friend was sitting a row ahead of me, so the seat I chose was actually diagonal from her. Isn't high school fun? I cannot imagine putting so much thought into where I sit now, but back then it was of upmost importance! Well, I don't think anyone was thinking too much about why I was sitting where I was sitting, so it all worked out fine, better than fine actually. And, Jeremy and I became best friends from that day on. We seriously did. And, we've been best friends ever since.
I am so thankful to God for the way everything started out for us, because neither of us were really living for the Lord back then, and yet God orchestrated everything and brought us together. Another neat thing was that we just became best friends for a year. We didn't actually begin a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship until a year later. I highly recommend that, because we really got to know each other before we became romantically involved. Our relationship was founded on a very solid friendship, and I know that has made a big difference our entire marriage. He truly is my best friend and the love of my life! Happy 19th Anniversary, Jeremy! I love you! The computer match-up list from sixth grade was right! You are my number one! :)
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
AFTER Denise's Birth, Part 2
Now, my doctor had been out of town on vacation when all that happened. Soon after I had given birth, he had gone on vacation. Even that had been a blessing from God, because I hadn't been able to go see him since he was gone. Soon after this though, his office called and said they had gotten the test results back from that 24 hour urine sample that I had done, and that there were some abnormalities with some of the numbers. They said I needed to go see a kidney specialist, and they gave me the number of one that my doctor recommended.
I did not mention all that I had been through the past three weeks, and I don't remember if I even thought it was related. I don't think I did. I had never had any kidney problems, except for passing a kidney stone. I just called the doctor and made an appointment. It takes a while to get into a kidney specialist like that, or so I found out, so my appointment was a while away. I think about a couple of months. I can't quite remember. I really wasn't thinking that much about it. I felt completely and totally fine, so I was just busy taking care of my family and doing my usual things.
So a couple of months later I went to see the kidney specialist. I walked into the exam room and sat down in the chair. He came in and looked at me. I soon learned that he was a very blunt doctor. He looked me up and down, and then he looked at the 24 hour urine test results that my doctor had sent over to him. And, then he said, much to my surprise, "What the h*** is going on with these test results?"
I was so shocked by that. I didn't know how to respond, so I said, "I don't know." I thought he was going to tell me. I thought that last part, I didn't say it out loud.
Then he said, "These test results are bogus!"
He looked at me again and said, almost angrily, "Have you been on dialysis?" I told him I had never been on dialysis.
Then he asked me, "Did you walk in here today?"
I told him that I had.
"Do you have any pain?"
I told him that I did not.
Then he leaned forward in his chair, looked straight at me and said, "These test results cannot be correct, because if they were and you weren't on dialysis, you would be dead." He further explained, "According to these test results your kidneys are functioning at 11%, and if that is the case and you aren't on dialysis, you would be dead."
I just sat there, stunned.
He then said that he was going to have me do another 24 hour urine sample test and we were going to get to the bottom of this. I left his office with instructions on how to do this and where to go to drop off my sample. He was very particular about everything, very detailed, and he said he was positive they had messed up on my test results from that July 27th test.
I walked out of his office, went down to my car, got into it and just sat there, dumb founded. I was very shaken up by what the doctor had just told me. I did not think the test results were wrong. Those three weeks that I had been sick, I thought that I had bladder, bowel and kidney infections, but in reality those had just been the symptoms of what had really been happening. My kidneys hadn't been functioning. And, according to those test results, I should have died. I remembered back to how I had told Jeremy that very first day that I felt like I was dying, the pain was so bad.
Well, I drove home and told Jeremy what the doctor said. He was so excited, and kept saying, "Praise the Lord!" I mean, he was excited! Interestingly enough, I was the opposite of him. I mean, I was thankful, but I was also very somber about what I had just heard. I could hardly believe it. I tried to explain it to Jeremy. I told him it may seem strange, but now that I knew I hadn't been sick with just infections, but actual kidney failure, or so it seemed, I felt kind of scared.
Isn't God just so good? I mean, if my doctor had been in town for those first two weeks when those test results originally came back, I probably would have found out what was really going on in my body. If it hadn't happened on a Saturday, I would have gone to my regular doctor's office and seen a different doctor, but nonetheless they still would have had those results in their hands. At the emergency room, they did not, so they just chalked it up to several infections and put me on antibiotics.
God is God! He can heal kidneys, or give you brand new ones (like the eagle from Psalm 103) just as easily as He can heal infections. That is so true! But, in my mind, it would have seemed bigger and harder. In my mind, I would have been scared! How do I know this? I know this because even though I had been feeling completely fine for a couple of months before I had that doctor appointment with the kidney specialist, it still scared me when he just told me what those test results meant! You see what I mean? Glory to God! He protected me from even knowing what was really going on!
Several months later I talked to a friend of mine. She went to our church, and her husband had been on a waiting list for a kidney transplant for a long time. She called me one day for something else, but since my ordeal, I felt so much compassion for all that they were dealing with. So, I asked how he was doing, and I began sharing some of my story, and she began sharing theirs. She told me, "I've never been nervous about him dying though." She went on to explain, "With kidney failure, right before the end, right before you die, everything begins to taste like metal. And, that has never happened to him."
Once again I was stunned. I didn't say anything to her, but of course I immediately remembered how I hadn't even been able to drink water, my usual drink, because everything tasted like metal those couple of weeks when I was so sick! Wow!
For several years after that ordeal, if I ever shared this account with anyone, I would jokingly say, "If Jeremy had gone back to work one week earlier, I would have been healed one week earlier!" I truly believed that, because when he went back to work, I had to take care of Denise. However, one day the Lord spoke to my heart and said, "That's not true, Nikki."
"What?" I questioned Him.
"That's not true. You weren't just laying in bed sick all that time. You were listening and meditating on my Word and on healing scriptures. You heard my Words on healing over and over again."
I thought about that, and I thought about how the Bible says faith comes by hearing and hearing and hearing (etc) the Word of God! I had never thought about that before, but if Jeremy had gone back to work one week earlier, I might not have stood up that day and boldly proclaimed that I was healed, regardless of how I felt. No, according to what the Lord was speaking to me, I probably would have called him and told him he needed to come back home because I was in so much pain!
God is so good! And, I am so thankful. When I remember this story, it almost doesn't seem real. I have been in church services where the person ministering has said, "If you wouldn't be alive today without God's supernatural healing touch, raise your hand." I raise my hand, but it still amazes me to this day that I really was that sick.
Oh, and you may be wondering how that second urine test came back. Well, it came back that my kidneys were operating at 65%. Not perfect, but a whole lot better! Jeremy and I weren't satisfied with those results though. Jeremy said, "No, we won't be happy until your kidneys are functioning at 100%! God will do better than that!"
Three months later that kidney specialist had me do another 24 hour urine test. This time it came back that my kidneys were operating at 97%! That sounds good, but when he told me that my heart sank a bit, because I knew it wasn't what Jeremy and I had asked God for. But, then the doctor looked at me and said, "For someone your height and weight, that is 100%!" I haven't been back to a kidney specialist since that day! Glory to God! He's so good, and I give Him all the glory and all the praise!
There is a song that I really like called "Our God is Greater." I am not sure who wrote it, but I like the version that Chris Tomlin sings. Anyway, the words seem really fitting to me in this situation: "Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God, You are higher than any other. Our God is healer, awesome in power, our God, our God!" Yep, that's our God! Greater. Stronger. Higher. Healer. No matter what you may be going through today, just remember this, HE'S GREATER!!!
Monday, July 16, 2012
AFTER Denise's Birth, Part 1
Two days before Denise was born, my doctor had me do a 24 hour urine sample as a precautionary test. He had me do all kinds of precautionary tests, so I didn't really think too much about it, except that it was a pretty big pain to do! Anyway, the day before I went into labor I dropped that off at the doctor's office.
Jeremy and I celebrated our 9th anniversary three days after Denise was born. I woke up the morning after that feeling terrible. I mean, I really felt bad. It's hard to describe the pain. It was very intense, and I told Jeremy I felt like I was dying. It hurt so much. I hurt from my neck down to my lower pelvic area, and even the movement of breathing hurt. It was a Saturday, so I told Jeremy I needed go to the emergency room at the hospital where Denise was born. Something was really wrong, I could tell.
So, we drove to the hospital, and I explained the pain to the nurse in the emergency room. They ran some tests and found that I had a bladder, bowel infection and kidney infection. That explained all the pain. The doctor said maybe I had picked up the infection while I was in the hospital having Denise. They gave me several antibiotics and sent me home. Because of the amount of pain that I was in, I thought they might admit me, but I was thankful that they didn't.
Now, Jeremy had taken THREE weeks off work, so we were really looking forward to having all that time together with our new little baby girl and the other two kids. Unfortunately, I was in so much pain I just went home and pretty much stayed in bed. I couldn't keep anything down. Everything that I tried to eat just went straight through me. It was crazy. I usually drink a lot of water, but I couldn't even drink that because when I did it had a terrible metal taste. So, I drank Crystal Light lemonade to try to cover up that metal taste. And, I basically didn't eat anything, because when I did the pain became more intense, and it didn't stay down anyway.
We set a CD player up in our room, and we put in a healing songs CD that we had. I listened to that CD constantly. It was just a few songs, all scriptures set to music. I kept taking the antibiotics, but I wasn't getting any better. It was crazy. Jeremy's whole three weeks off of work went like that. He took care of Denise all on his own, because I could hardly even get out of bed. I couldn't eat, and I just laid in bed listening to those healing songs over and over again. The pain was so intense throughout my entire stomach area that I could hardly move, but Jeremy and I just kept reminding each other that I would get better soon. The infections would heal and leave.
I also kept reading my Bible, especially Psalm 103. "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name. Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all of His benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."
Those words blessed me so much at that time. I clung to those words. I read them and spoke them and read them and spoke them some more. I thought about what that scripture was saying to me. I thought about how God heals all my diseases. And, I really liked the part about Him satisfying my desires with good things. My strongest desire at this point was to feel better so that I could take care of my three children, especially my new sweet baby girl. I would tell the Lord my desire, and thank Him for giving it to me. I would thank Him that He was renewing my youth like the eagle's.
I didn't really understand that part. My Uncle Larry, my dad's brother, is a Baptist minister, and he has always liked eagles for as long as I can remember. I wondered if this scripture had anything to do with that. I decided to email him and ask him what he thought that last part meant about "your youth being renewed like the eagle's." His response blessed me so much. He explained that eagles were one of the only animals that can lose their wings and grow back new ones, just as if the eagle was a newborn eagle. I wish I still had the email, because I can't remember all that he wrote, but it was something like that. I hung onto that as well. Isn't that amazing that the Lord would choose the eagle to use in that passage? It encouraged me that God would renew my youth just like that, making me just like new, even better than I had been before I got pregnant with Denise.
We, of course, were so thankful to have Denise, but in the natural it didn't look like my body was holding up very well after the birth. We hadn't even thought about that. I guess that's a great benefit to praying in tongues. You can pray out things that you wouldn't think to ever pray. Guess maybe we should have prayed in tongues more when I was pregnant. :) Anyway, Jeremy's three weeks off work were quickly coming to an end, and I really wasn't any better at all. I still couldn't keep any food down, and I was still in a lot of pain.
But, I did have a lot of Word in me from reading and meditating on that scripture so much. And, I had listened to those healing songs so many times. Constantly, really. So, on the Monday morning that Jeremy left to go back to work, I was in a lot of pain. It hurt to even hold Denise close to my stomach to feed her her bottle. It hurt so much that it brought tears to my eyes. But, what is a mommy going to do? What I wanted to do was call Jeremy and tell him how much pain I was in and that he better come right on back home from work. But, I knew at that moment that if I did that, I would have the pain. I knew it in my heart. I had a decision to make. I could call Jeremy and tell him how awful I felt or I could believe the Bible and get better.
So, I stood up and grabbed my Bible in my hand and held it up. I said, out loud, "This Bible says that I am healed, and so I am!" I put it firmly back down on the coffee table, grabbed Denise's bottle, picked her up, and started feeding her that bottle. I thanked God that He was renewing my strength like the eagle's. I thanked Him that He was giving me my heart's desire, and that my heart's desire was to be able to take care of this precious baby that He had given me.
The pain did not leave instantly. It was still there while I was feeding Denise her bottle. I got up and just went about my day as if I felt perfectly fine, taking care of Denise and things around the house that needed to be done. Several hours later I was out in the kitchen, and I stopped and just stood there. I realized that every bit of the pain was gone! I didn't feel any pain at all, and I hadn't for a while, and I hadn't even noticed! I cannot tell you when it left. It seems odd that I wouldn't know, but it was all gone. When Jeremy got home from work, I had dinner ready and I sat at the table and ate it just like I normally would have before I had gotten so sick. It stayed down. From that day on, I was completely fine. It was nothing short of miraculous! I was so thankful that I could take care of my three kids now. Jeremy was thankful too! :)
And, that's the end of part 1! Part 2 of this story will be out soon! :) Love you all! Thanks for reading!
Jeremy and I celebrated our 9th anniversary three days after Denise was born. I woke up the morning after that feeling terrible. I mean, I really felt bad. It's hard to describe the pain. It was very intense, and I told Jeremy I felt like I was dying. It hurt so much. I hurt from my neck down to my lower pelvic area, and even the movement of breathing hurt. It was a Saturday, so I told Jeremy I needed go to the emergency room at the hospital where Denise was born. Something was really wrong, I could tell.
So, we drove to the hospital, and I explained the pain to the nurse in the emergency room. They ran some tests and found that I had a bladder, bowel infection and kidney infection. That explained all the pain. The doctor said maybe I had picked up the infection while I was in the hospital having Denise. They gave me several antibiotics and sent me home. Because of the amount of pain that I was in, I thought they might admit me, but I was thankful that they didn't.
Now, Jeremy had taken THREE weeks off work, so we were really looking forward to having all that time together with our new little baby girl and the other two kids. Unfortunately, I was in so much pain I just went home and pretty much stayed in bed. I couldn't keep anything down. Everything that I tried to eat just went straight through me. It was crazy. I usually drink a lot of water, but I couldn't even drink that because when I did it had a terrible metal taste. So, I drank Crystal Light lemonade to try to cover up that metal taste. And, I basically didn't eat anything, because when I did the pain became more intense, and it didn't stay down anyway.
We set a CD player up in our room, and we put in a healing songs CD that we had. I listened to that CD constantly. It was just a few songs, all scriptures set to music. I kept taking the antibiotics, but I wasn't getting any better. It was crazy. Jeremy's whole three weeks off of work went like that. He took care of Denise all on his own, because I could hardly even get out of bed. I couldn't eat, and I just laid in bed listening to those healing songs over and over again. The pain was so intense throughout my entire stomach area that I could hardly move, but Jeremy and I just kept reminding each other that I would get better soon. The infections would heal and leave.
I also kept reading my Bible, especially Psalm 103. "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name. Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all of His benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."
Those words blessed me so much at that time. I clung to those words. I read them and spoke them and read them and spoke them some more. I thought about what that scripture was saying to me. I thought about how God heals all my diseases. And, I really liked the part about Him satisfying my desires with good things. My strongest desire at this point was to feel better so that I could take care of my three children, especially my new sweet baby girl. I would tell the Lord my desire, and thank Him for giving it to me. I would thank Him that He was renewing my youth like the eagle's.
I didn't really understand that part. My Uncle Larry, my dad's brother, is a Baptist minister, and he has always liked eagles for as long as I can remember. I wondered if this scripture had anything to do with that. I decided to email him and ask him what he thought that last part meant about "your youth being renewed like the eagle's." His response blessed me so much. He explained that eagles were one of the only animals that can lose their wings and grow back new ones, just as if the eagle was a newborn eagle. I wish I still had the email, because I can't remember all that he wrote, but it was something like that. I hung onto that as well. Isn't that amazing that the Lord would choose the eagle to use in that passage? It encouraged me that God would renew my youth just like that, making me just like new, even better than I had been before I got pregnant with Denise.
We, of course, were so thankful to have Denise, but in the natural it didn't look like my body was holding up very well after the birth. We hadn't even thought about that. I guess that's a great benefit to praying in tongues. You can pray out things that you wouldn't think to ever pray. Guess maybe we should have prayed in tongues more when I was pregnant. :) Anyway, Jeremy's three weeks off work were quickly coming to an end, and I really wasn't any better at all. I still couldn't keep any food down, and I was still in a lot of pain.
But, I did have a lot of Word in me from reading and meditating on that scripture so much. And, I had listened to those healing songs so many times. Constantly, really. So, on the Monday morning that Jeremy left to go back to work, I was in a lot of pain. It hurt to even hold Denise close to my stomach to feed her her bottle. It hurt so much that it brought tears to my eyes. But, what is a mommy going to do? What I wanted to do was call Jeremy and tell him how much pain I was in and that he better come right on back home from work. But, I knew at that moment that if I did that, I would have the pain. I knew it in my heart. I had a decision to make. I could call Jeremy and tell him how awful I felt or I could believe the Bible and get better.
So, I stood up and grabbed my Bible in my hand and held it up. I said, out loud, "This Bible says that I am healed, and so I am!" I put it firmly back down on the coffee table, grabbed Denise's bottle, picked her up, and started feeding her that bottle. I thanked God that He was renewing my strength like the eagle's. I thanked Him that He was giving me my heart's desire, and that my heart's desire was to be able to take care of this precious baby that He had given me.
The pain did not leave instantly. It was still there while I was feeding Denise her bottle. I got up and just went about my day as if I felt perfectly fine, taking care of Denise and things around the house that needed to be done. Several hours later I was out in the kitchen, and I stopped and just stood there. I realized that every bit of the pain was gone! I didn't feel any pain at all, and I hadn't for a while, and I hadn't even noticed! I cannot tell you when it left. It seems odd that I wouldn't know, but it was all gone. When Jeremy got home from work, I had dinner ready and I sat at the table and ate it just like I normally would have before I had gotten so sick. It stayed down. From that day on, I was completely fine. It was nothing short of miraculous! I was so thankful that I could take care of my three kids now. Jeremy was thankful too! :)
And, that's the end of part 1! Part 2 of this story will be out soon! :) Love you all! Thanks for reading!
Friday, July 13, 2012
Denise LeAnne
I got home from the Women's Conference 2001 on a Sunday, and the next morning I was sitting on my bed putting on my tennis shoes. I had my foot propped up on the bed, and I was starting to tie that shoe when the Lord spoke to me in the most audible and stern voice that I have ever heard from Him. I don't know if it was out loud, but I turned my head to look, because it was so real to me. He commanded, "Get off of that medicine, NOW!"
I mean, it was a command. I realized it was the Lord, and I said, "Yes, sir!" Just like that. I had never responded to Him like that before, but there seemed to be no other response to what He had said but that. "Yes, sir!"
As I mentioned previously, I had been thinking about getting off of the medicine I was on ever since our conversation that night in the bath tub because I knew it wasn't safe if I ever became pregnant. Two doctors had warned me of the problems that medicine could cause a baby in the womb, all kinds of birth defects and difficulties. But, since we weren't planning to have any more kids, it really hadn't been an issue. And, I really didn't want to get off the medicine because I thought it was going to be a big ordeal with my doctor. However, after that quick but intense conversation with the Lord, I knew I had to do it.
I called my doctor's office that very morning, and asked for the nurse to call me back. She did, and I explained that I wanted to get off the medicine. She said that I couldn't possibly go off that medicine without coming in for an appointment, so I told her I wanted to schedule an appointment. To me, the appointment went supernaturally well. I was nervous to tell my doctor, because I thought he would argue with me about it, and also begin lecturing me about not becoming pregnant in the first place. "Not that we are planning to become pregnant at this point," I reasoned. "There could be another reason the Lord wants me to get off that medicine besides pregnancy." I really didn't know, but I did know that His instructions were very clear and direct, and really left me no other option.
I think because of that, I had a new boldness when I talked with my doctor, and I was quite surprised when he just said "OK" and explained to me how to gradually wean my body off the medicine. So, that was that. I did what he advised, and got off that medicine. And, my body responded very well. It was amazing.
Six weeks later I found out I was pregnant with Denise LeAnne! Can you believe that? Of course you can, because you are hearing all this in hindsight, but we truly weren't planning to become pregnant. And, I have no idea when our sweet Denise was conceived, which may be too much information for you (Ha, ha!), but Jeremy and I were quite surprised by the news that I was pregnant. And, we were also so very thankful that I wasn't on that medicine any longer! Glory, glory, glory to God!
To say that God wanted Denise to be born seems like such an understatement to me. I mean, look at all that He had done just to get me to the place where I even became pregnant. It was and is so amazing to me! Anyway, I was not really scared throughout her pregnancy, but I was still nervous. Jeremy was such an anchor throughout the entire pregnancy. He prayed for me and for her every single day on his drive to work. He encouraged me constantly with his words, always speaking about how good she was doing, how well she was growing in my womb. It was such a blessing and such a help, because I had lots of thoughts I was battling. After Denise was born, the Lord spoke something very precious to my heart. He simply said, "You carried Denise throughout that pregnancy, but Jeremy carried you." It was true.
I also had the doctor's words, which would sneak into my thoughts. "A baby just won't grow in your womb." I didn't go to the doctor that said that any more, and my new doctor was wonderful, but he was still very medical-minded (which of course makes sense for a doctor). He was continually concerned about her growth, and always running tests to make sure she was developing normally. Towards the end of the pregnancy, he had me get several ultrasounds, and he and the ultrasounds kept saying that she was small. "She may weigh five pounds," he would tell us. It was so hard for me to believe, because I am very short- waisted, and she felt huge inside of me.
Denise was due on July 28, 2002. You may remember that Diane had been 9 days late and Daniel had been 8 days early. So, we really had no idea when Denise would be born. Diane kept telling us she would be born on July 28th, her due date. Diane was exactly right, which she always likes to mention when I tell the story of Denise's birth. Denise was born exactly on her due date! I once again decided to have a natural delivery, and the delivery went well. The first words out of my doctor's mouth after she was born were, "She's huge!"
It makes me smile when I think of it. The baby that they told us weighed about five pounds actually weighed 8 1/2 pounds!!! Glory to God! She definitely wasn't small. She was big! God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly MORE than we could even think of or ask for, and He went over the top with Denise! She was and is such a blessing, such a look at the goodness and love of our Father God!
If you are ever in a situation where someone is telling you one thing, even someone with a lot of knowledge about the subject, and the Word of God/Lord is telling you a different thing, my advice is to always stick with what God is telling you! I mean, He did create the Heavens and the Earth. He did make man out of the dust of the Earth. He made our bodies, and He can heal our bodies. It is no problem for Him, and He will do it, because He loves us so very much! He's a good, good, good, good Father, and there is nothing that is too hard for Him! I guess it's easy to see why I love Him so much! He's just been so good to me! And, He'll be that good to you too, even better, if you let Him, because He loves you so much! :)
I mean, it was a command. I realized it was the Lord, and I said, "Yes, sir!" Just like that. I had never responded to Him like that before, but there seemed to be no other response to what He had said but that. "Yes, sir!"
As I mentioned previously, I had been thinking about getting off of the medicine I was on ever since our conversation that night in the bath tub because I knew it wasn't safe if I ever became pregnant. Two doctors had warned me of the problems that medicine could cause a baby in the womb, all kinds of birth defects and difficulties. But, since we weren't planning to have any more kids, it really hadn't been an issue. And, I really didn't want to get off the medicine because I thought it was going to be a big ordeal with my doctor. However, after that quick but intense conversation with the Lord, I knew I had to do it.
I called my doctor's office that very morning, and asked for the nurse to call me back. She did, and I explained that I wanted to get off the medicine. She said that I couldn't possibly go off that medicine without coming in for an appointment, so I told her I wanted to schedule an appointment. To me, the appointment went supernaturally well. I was nervous to tell my doctor, because I thought he would argue with me about it, and also begin lecturing me about not becoming pregnant in the first place. "Not that we are planning to become pregnant at this point," I reasoned. "There could be another reason the Lord wants me to get off that medicine besides pregnancy." I really didn't know, but I did know that His instructions were very clear and direct, and really left me no other option.
I think because of that, I had a new boldness when I talked with my doctor, and I was quite surprised when he just said "OK" and explained to me how to gradually wean my body off the medicine. So, that was that. I did what he advised, and got off that medicine. And, my body responded very well. It was amazing.
Six weeks later I found out I was pregnant with Denise LeAnne! Can you believe that? Of course you can, because you are hearing all this in hindsight, but we truly weren't planning to become pregnant. And, I have no idea when our sweet Denise was conceived, which may be too much information for you (Ha, ha!), but Jeremy and I were quite surprised by the news that I was pregnant. And, we were also so very thankful that I wasn't on that medicine any longer! Glory, glory, glory to God!
To say that God wanted Denise to be born seems like such an understatement to me. I mean, look at all that He had done just to get me to the place where I even became pregnant. It was and is so amazing to me! Anyway, I was not really scared throughout her pregnancy, but I was still nervous. Jeremy was such an anchor throughout the entire pregnancy. He prayed for me and for her every single day on his drive to work. He encouraged me constantly with his words, always speaking about how good she was doing, how well she was growing in my womb. It was such a blessing and such a help, because I had lots of thoughts I was battling. After Denise was born, the Lord spoke something very precious to my heart. He simply said, "You carried Denise throughout that pregnancy, but Jeremy carried you." It was true.
I also had the doctor's words, which would sneak into my thoughts. "A baby just won't grow in your womb." I didn't go to the doctor that said that any more, and my new doctor was wonderful, but he was still very medical-minded (which of course makes sense for a doctor). He was continually concerned about her growth, and always running tests to make sure she was developing normally. Towards the end of the pregnancy, he had me get several ultrasounds, and he and the ultrasounds kept saying that she was small. "She may weigh five pounds," he would tell us. It was so hard for me to believe, because I am very short- waisted, and she felt huge inside of me.
Denise was due on July 28, 2002. You may remember that Diane had been 9 days late and Daniel had been 8 days early. So, we really had no idea when Denise would be born. Diane kept telling us she would be born on July 28th, her due date. Diane was exactly right, which she always likes to mention when I tell the story of Denise's birth. Denise was born exactly on her due date! I once again decided to have a natural delivery, and the delivery went well. The first words out of my doctor's mouth after she was born were, "She's huge!"
It makes me smile when I think of it. The baby that they told us weighed about five pounds actually weighed 8 1/2 pounds!!! Glory to God! She definitely wasn't small. She was big! God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly MORE than we could even think of or ask for, and He went over the top with Denise! She was and is such a blessing, such a look at the goodness and love of our Father God!
If you are ever in a situation where someone is telling you one thing, even someone with a lot of knowledge about the subject, and the Word of God/Lord is telling you a different thing, my advice is to always stick with what God is telling you! I mean, He did create the Heavens and the Earth. He did make man out of the dust of the Earth. He made our bodies, and He can heal our bodies. It is no problem for Him, and He will do it, because He loves us so very much! He's a good, good, good, good Father, and there is nothing that is too hard for Him! I guess it's easy to see why I love Him so much! He's just been so good to me! And, He'll be that good to you too, even better, if you let Him, because He loves you so much! :)
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Set Free!
We pretty much just moved on with our life, and I really didn't think about the baby we miscarried that often. Every now and then I would, and sometimes I would feel sad that we didn't have her, but for the most part, I just went on living my life and serving my God. About two years later I was taking a bath one night when the Lord spoke something very surprising to my heart! Now, it wasn't out loud, but it was definitely Him. I was just taking my bath when He said, "There's one area of your life where you won't do my will."
Now, if you know me, or if you've been reading my other posts in this blog, you know that got my attention. I mean, it really got my attention! I only want to do what God wants, no matter what, and so for Him to say that there was an area in my life where I wouldn't do His will... Well, I just didn't like hearing that at all! I instantly said, "What is it, Lord?"
And He replied, "You decided that you weren't going to have any more children." He really emphasized the "you's" when He spoke that to my heart.
I thought about that for a minute and realized that was exactly what I had done. I hadn't consulted Him one little bit. I had just decided, all on my own, that I wouldn't get pregnant again, and that I would never go through a miscarriage again because I wouldn't ever even be pregnant again. Wow! It was all as clear as a bell now that the Lord mentioned it to me, but I can honestly say that I had not realized what I had done. As I sat there, thinking about that, I also saw how prideful I had been. I had decided that I would take care of myself by not getting pregnant. But, I had a Heavenly Father who wanted to take care of me, and I hadn't even let Him.
"I'm so sorry, Lord. You know I only want to do your will." And, then I said the thing that was really hard for me to say. I said, "Lord, if you want Jeremy and me to have another baby, we will." And I meant it.
God is just so good, and He is so very, very patient. I mean, He IS Patience. That is just who He is. Isn't it amazing that He gave me two years to heal before He even mentioned that to me? Two years! What a wonderful, loving God we serve. He's so kind, and so very, very patient with His children. If people really knew how good and loving He is, everyone would serve Him in an instant. He is, well, He is, in all senses of the word, LOVE.
Anyway, I was still quite nervous about the thought of becoming pregnant, but I knew that if the Lord wanted us to have another baby, we would. Thankfully, He hadn't said anything about us having another baby after I said that back to him in the bathtub, so I just went on with life and didn't think too much about it. Well, I did think a little about it, because at that time I was on some medicine that a person couldn't be on if they were pregnant. So, I started thinking maybe I should get off that medicine. I knew my doctor wouldn't be happy with the idea, especially if I told him I was thinking about becoming pregnant, so I just kept pushing the thought about getting off that medicine aside. I knew it would be a big issue with my doctor, and I didn't want to deal with that!
Meanwhile, I saw in The Word of Faith magazine, distributed by Kenneth Hagin Ministries, that Mrs. Lynette Hagin was going to be having her first ever Women's Conference in September of that year, which was 2001. I sensed in my spirit that I should go. I kept thinking about it, so I finally mentioned the idea to Jeremy. He still had that very demanding work schedule, and in order for me to go, he would have to take off work and watch the kids while I was gone. I didn't think he would want to do that, but as soon as I mentioned the idea to him, he said, "I think you should go. I'll take off work and watch the kids." It was settled.
So, I registered for the Thursday through Saturday conference, he took off work and I went! I didn't know what to expect that Thursday evening at the first service, but I was so excited! Mrs. Hagin ministered that evening on the army of the Lord and how we're all a part of that army. And, she started talking about how when you're in battle in a natural army, you can't have any fear. Fear cripples you, she explained. You have to boldly fight your enemy, and fear is a hindrance. She did an alter call at the end, and said it was time for all the women who had fear in their lives in any area to come down to the front to get set free from that fear.
Oh, it was a wonderful service, and I was so excited to see that all these ladies were going to be set free from fear. I was sitting toward the back of the church, and I was praying in agreement with what she was saying, asking the Lord to set these ladies that were going down free from all the fear in their lives. That's when the Lord spoke to my heart, "You need to go down there."
"Me?" I questioned. I couldn't think of one area in my life where I had fear. Fear was something that I really didn't mess around with, and if I started to feel fear in any area of my life, I pretty much dealt with it. So, I was pretty surprised that He would want me to go down to the front.
"Yes," He said, "You have fear in your life about having another baby."
"Oh," I thought, "That's exactly right." The Lord truly knows us better than we know ourselves. So, I ran down to the front.
It sounds long when I write it all out, but it happened very quickly. And, can you believe that when I got down to the front, Mrs. Hagin was just getting ready to lay hands on her very first person, and she walked straight over to ME? She laid her hands on me, and commanded any fear to leave my life. That was pretty much it, but oh my, it was powerful. I left that service different than when I came into it! I left that entire weekend different than when I came. Completely and totally changed, from the inside out. And, the most amazing thing happened the following Monday morning when I was back at home again. And, I will share that story in my next blog! :) So, you'll just have to keep reading if you want to hear the rest...
Now, if you know me, or if you've been reading my other posts in this blog, you know that got my attention. I mean, it really got my attention! I only want to do what God wants, no matter what, and so for Him to say that there was an area in my life where I wouldn't do His will... Well, I just didn't like hearing that at all! I instantly said, "What is it, Lord?"
And He replied, "You decided that you weren't going to have any more children." He really emphasized the "you's" when He spoke that to my heart.
I thought about that for a minute and realized that was exactly what I had done. I hadn't consulted Him one little bit. I had just decided, all on my own, that I wouldn't get pregnant again, and that I would never go through a miscarriage again because I wouldn't ever even be pregnant again. Wow! It was all as clear as a bell now that the Lord mentioned it to me, but I can honestly say that I had not realized what I had done. As I sat there, thinking about that, I also saw how prideful I had been. I had decided that I would take care of myself by not getting pregnant. But, I had a Heavenly Father who wanted to take care of me, and I hadn't even let Him.
"I'm so sorry, Lord. You know I only want to do your will." And, then I said the thing that was really hard for me to say. I said, "Lord, if you want Jeremy and me to have another baby, we will." And I meant it.
God is just so good, and He is so very, very patient. I mean, He IS Patience. That is just who He is. Isn't it amazing that He gave me two years to heal before He even mentioned that to me? Two years! What a wonderful, loving God we serve. He's so kind, and so very, very patient with His children. If people really knew how good and loving He is, everyone would serve Him in an instant. He is, well, He is, in all senses of the word, LOVE.
Anyway, I was still quite nervous about the thought of becoming pregnant, but I knew that if the Lord wanted us to have another baby, we would. Thankfully, He hadn't said anything about us having another baby after I said that back to him in the bathtub, so I just went on with life and didn't think too much about it. Well, I did think a little about it, because at that time I was on some medicine that a person couldn't be on if they were pregnant. So, I started thinking maybe I should get off that medicine. I knew my doctor wouldn't be happy with the idea, especially if I told him I was thinking about becoming pregnant, so I just kept pushing the thought about getting off that medicine aside. I knew it would be a big issue with my doctor, and I didn't want to deal with that!
Meanwhile, I saw in The Word of Faith magazine, distributed by Kenneth Hagin Ministries, that Mrs. Lynette Hagin was going to be having her first ever Women's Conference in September of that year, which was 2001. I sensed in my spirit that I should go. I kept thinking about it, so I finally mentioned the idea to Jeremy. He still had that very demanding work schedule, and in order for me to go, he would have to take off work and watch the kids while I was gone. I didn't think he would want to do that, but as soon as I mentioned the idea to him, he said, "I think you should go. I'll take off work and watch the kids." It was settled.
So, I registered for the Thursday through Saturday conference, he took off work and I went! I didn't know what to expect that Thursday evening at the first service, but I was so excited! Mrs. Hagin ministered that evening on the army of the Lord and how we're all a part of that army. And, she started talking about how when you're in battle in a natural army, you can't have any fear. Fear cripples you, she explained. You have to boldly fight your enemy, and fear is a hindrance. She did an alter call at the end, and said it was time for all the women who had fear in their lives in any area to come down to the front to get set free from that fear.
Oh, it was a wonderful service, and I was so excited to see that all these ladies were going to be set free from fear. I was sitting toward the back of the church, and I was praying in agreement with what she was saying, asking the Lord to set these ladies that were going down free from all the fear in their lives. That's when the Lord spoke to my heart, "You need to go down there."
"Me?" I questioned. I couldn't think of one area in my life where I had fear. Fear was something that I really didn't mess around with, and if I started to feel fear in any area of my life, I pretty much dealt with it. So, I was pretty surprised that He would want me to go down to the front.
"Yes," He said, "You have fear in your life about having another baby."
"Oh," I thought, "That's exactly right." The Lord truly knows us better than we know ourselves. So, I ran down to the front.
It sounds long when I write it all out, but it happened very quickly. And, can you believe that when I got down to the front, Mrs. Hagin was just getting ready to lay hands on her very first person, and she walked straight over to ME? She laid her hands on me, and commanded any fear to leave my life. That was pretty much it, but oh my, it was powerful. I left that service different than when I came into it! I left that entire weekend different than when I came. Completely and totally changed, from the inside out. And, the most amazing thing happened the following Monday morning when I was back at home again. And, I will share that story in my next blog! :) So, you'll just have to keep reading if you want to hear the rest...
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
The Heart Break
So, when we moved from Broken Arrow, OK to Olathe, KS in 1999, Diane was four and Daniel was about 7 or 8 months old. I was also pregnant. After moving I found a doctor, and we made a lot of plans involving our new baby! We even chose Diane's preschool based on how close it was to our house. I remember thinking, "I can just put Daniel and the baby in a stroller, and walk to the preschool to pick up Diane." I thought the baby was a girl, and we were very excited when I was four and a half months pregnant. It was the day of the ultrasound to find out for sure if she was a girl or a boy. The pregnancy had been going well. I had spotted a tiny, tiny bit a couple of weeks earlier, but it wasn't anything major. I mean, it could hardly have even been called spotting, and it only happened that one day.
Jeremy had a pretty intense work schedule at this point, but he took off work. We decided he would stay home with the kids and I would go to the ultrasound alone. I drove to the office, and they got me all hooked up to the ultrasound machine. I didn't know the doctor very well, since we had just moved there, and I can't even remember his name. But, after the ultrasound began, he turned to me and said, "There isn't a heartbeat."
My mind couldn't comprehend what he meant, so I replied, "You mean you can't find the heartbeat?" Sometimes that can happen when they are just listening for a heartbeat with a stethoscope, so I thought maybe it could happen with an ultrasound machine too.
"No," he gently replied. "There isn't a heartbeat. The baby has died."
My head started spinning, and I really didn't know what to say or think.
"I'm sorry," he said. Then he started telling me that I was going to need some sort of an operation to take the baby out, called a DNC or something like that. I had never heard of that, and I don't even remember what I was thinking. I think I was in a daze, at this point. So, to make a long story short, I called Jeremy, shared the sad news, and a few hours later I was having a surgery to take my precious baby out. It was all so sad, and didn't even seem like it was happening.
After the surgery, I remember coming home and rocking my sweet little baby Daniel, and just thanking the Lord that I had Diane and Daniel. I was very blessed that I had two children, a girl and a boy. I reminded myself that some people can't even have one baby, let alone two, and that I had so much to be thankful for. Of course, I was still so sad about the baby. We hadn't planned her, but I had grown pretty attached to her over the last four months! By the way, they couldn't tell if the baby was a girl or a boy, so I just say "she" because that is what I think she is in Heaven right now. I know I will meet her when I get there!
After rocking Daniel, I walked into our bathroom, looked into the bathroom mirror, and said to my image in the mirror, "I will never get pregnant again, because I never want to go through this loss again." And, in my mind, it was settled. I later shared my thoughts with Jeremy, and he was fine with us not having any more children as well.
Not the best story, I know, but that's what happened. And, I was pretty OK with not having any more kids. A few months after that happened, I started having some health problems, and the doctor I was seeing at that time said she thought that they had probably caused the miscarriage. I remember her looking at me so intently and telling me that I shouldn't try to have any more children, that a baby just wouldn't grow in my uterus because of these health problems. She warned me not to become pregnant again.
It seems funny to say now, but I was just fine with this information. We had already decided not to have anymore kids after that miscarriage, so it lots of ways, it didn't really matter to me that the doctor had said she didn't think I could ever carry a baby again. I guess in a way it was just a validation of what I was already planning, which was to never become pregnant again.
Thankfully, that is not the end of the story. That's the great thing about serving God. It will ALWAYS end in victory, and not defeat! ALWAYS! Even death ends in victory for the Christian, because then we just go on to what the Bible says is FAR BETTER than anything we've ever known or experienced here on this Earth! Praise the Lord! So, if you want to hear the rest of this story (and there is quite a bit more to it!), you'll have to keep reading! Have a blessed day!
Jeremy had a pretty intense work schedule at this point, but he took off work. We decided he would stay home with the kids and I would go to the ultrasound alone. I drove to the office, and they got me all hooked up to the ultrasound machine. I didn't know the doctor very well, since we had just moved there, and I can't even remember his name. But, after the ultrasound began, he turned to me and said, "There isn't a heartbeat."
My mind couldn't comprehend what he meant, so I replied, "You mean you can't find the heartbeat?" Sometimes that can happen when they are just listening for a heartbeat with a stethoscope, so I thought maybe it could happen with an ultrasound machine too.
"No," he gently replied. "There isn't a heartbeat. The baby has died."
My head started spinning, and I really didn't know what to say or think.
"I'm sorry," he said. Then he started telling me that I was going to need some sort of an operation to take the baby out, called a DNC or something like that. I had never heard of that, and I don't even remember what I was thinking. I think I was in a daze, at this point. So, to make a long story short, I called Jeremy, shared the sad news, and a few hours later I was having a surgery to take my precious baby out. It was all so sad, and didn't even seem like it was happening.
After the surgery, I remember coming home and rocking my sweet little baby Daniel, and just thanking the Lord that I had Diane and Daniel. I was very blessed that I had two children, a girl and a boy. I reminded myself that some people can't even have one baby, let alone two, and that I had so much to be thankful for. Of course, I was still so sad about the baby. We hadn't planned her, but I had grown pretty attached to her over the last four months! By the way, they couldn't tell if the baby was a girl or a boy, so I just say "she" because that is what I think she is in Heaven right now. I know I will meet her when I get there!
After rocking Daniel, I walked into our bathroom, looked into the bathroom mirror, and said to my image in the mirror, "I will never get pregnant again, because I never want to go through this loss again." And, in my mind, it was settled. I later shared my thoughts with Jeremy, and he was fine with us not having any more children as well.
Not the best story, I know, but that's what happened. And, I was pretty OK with not having any more kids. A few months after that happened, I started having some health problems, and the doctor I was seeing at that time said she thought that they had probably caused the miscarriage. I remember her looking at me so intently and telling me that I shouldn't try to have any more children, that a baby just wouldn't grow in my uterus because of these health problems. She warned me not to become pregnant again.
It seems funny to say now, but I was just fine with this information. We had already decided not to have anymore kids after that miscarriage, so it lots of ways, it didn't really matter to me that the doctor had said she didn't think I could ever carry a baby again. I guess in a way it was just a validation of what I was already planning, which was to never become pregnant again.
Thankfully, that is not the end of the story. That's the great thing about serving God. It will ALWAYS end in victory, and not defeat! ALWAYS! Even death ends in victory for the Christian, because then we just go on to what the Bible says is FAR BETTER than anything we've ever known or experienced here on this Earth! Praise the Lord! So, if you want to hear the rest of this story (and there is quite a bit more to it!), you'll have to keep reading! Have a blessed day!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Forty Days Until School Starts, um, FOR ME!
Well, school starts for me in forty days! Interesting. I'm forty years old, and in forty days I will be starting school again. :) Ha! Things like that always seem to happen when I'm writing this blog! Did I ever tell you my class schedule? I don't think so. I'm taking Computers for Learning, American Democracy and Citizenship, The Language of Music,
Introduction to Multicultural Education and Diversity, Introduction to Elementary Education and Clinical/Field Experience (where I will actually go into the classroom twice a week, and I will be in Branson, by the way!) and
Development of the Early Childhood and Elementary School Student. Seventeen hours! My adviser recommended that I start out with a light load. Yeah, sometimes I'm not that great at following advice. :) But, on the other hand, if I take 17 hours this semester, and 16 hours each semester after that, I can student teach in just 2 1/2 years, so I think it's worth it.
Going back to school. It's interesting the comments I get about it. Let me share a few.
"Whew! I'm glad it's you and not me!"
"I sure wouldn't want to have to study again!"
"How long did you say it's going to take again?"
"That sounds like quite a load you're going to be taking."
"You sure are going to get tired of that drive from Branson to Springfield each day!"
And, here's the thing. I agree with all that! I'll think, "Do I really want to do this? Do I really want to go back to school and study and take tests again? Do I really want to do that?" Truthfully, it doesn't sound like much fun doing all the WORK of it. And I'll think, "I could just get a job and actually earn money now that all my kids are in school." But, the problem is, the job that I want to get requires a teaching degree. Because, what I really, really want to do is teach. So....
I'm going to go back to school and study and take tests and write papers. I'm going to drive an hour or so one way each day Monday through Friday so that I can take 17 hours of classes. While my five kids are doing their homework, I will be doing mine also. And, most importantly, I believe it is what the Lord wants me to do, so I know His grace is going to be there each and every step of the way. I know that I really can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, because I do have the greater One living on the inside of me, and He's helping me. Every step of the way, He is helping me! I'm so thankful for that! I'm so thankful to HIM!
And, one thing that excites me is that I get to learn all of these things now. I will be an up-to-date teacher, learning all the things that college students right out of high school are learning. But, I will also have twenty years of life experience on top of that. I think that actually puts me a step ahead, even if I don't know how to make a power point presentation on the computer, at least not yet.
And, I'm learning that I don't have to be perfect. My older son and I have a lot of similarities. When he was three years old, he could make basket after basket in a full-size basketball goal. I am not exaggerating. He seriously would make more baskets than he would miss. Three years old! And, we didn't even work with him. It just came natural. So, what did Jeremy and I do? We signed him up to play basketball! Well, he hated it! We would get to the game, and he would actually stand in the middle of the court and not move. It was crazy! Week after week, the same thing. He would not play!
When we asked him why he wouldn't play and shoot the basket, he told us it was because he was nervous he would miss, and he didn't want to let his team down. Three years old, and that is what he is thinking! The thing that he couldn't see was that if he didn't try to make a basket, he missed every time. The whole "You can never make a shot if you never take a shot" thing. His second grade teacher really nailed it when she told me, "The thing I notice about Daniel is that he never wants to answer a question until he is 100% sure that he is right."
I can be a lot like that. When I take a test, for example, I want to get every question on the test correct. I don't even want to miss one! Well, let me tell you, I just had to take this huge College Base Test in order to enter the elementary education program at MSU, and I did not get every question correct. Not even close. I may not have even passed part of it. But that's OK, because even if I didn't pass this time, I will pass it. I'll just have to take it again, and do better. :)
Jeremy likes to watch NBA Basketball, and I may have this wrong, but I think a team called The Heat won the playoffs this year. I watched with him, but now I can't quite remember all the details (Imagine that!). Anyway, their coach says something neat sometimes when they lose a game, "Losing is just practicing for winning the next time," or something like that. I like that, because every time you lose, you know a little better what to do the next time to help you win. You know how to play just a little better, because you saw what you did wrong the last time. But, you've got to get out there and play the game. You can never win a game that you don't play. And, you can never pass a test that you don't take.
So, these are some of my thoughts forty days before I start college again. When it all comes down, here's the thing. I've looked at the cost of going back to college (and when I say cost, I am not talking about financially, though of course, there is that aspect of going back to college as well), and this is what I've decided. It's worth it.
Going back to school. It's interesting the comments I get about it. Let me share a few.
"Whew! I'm glad it's you and not me!"
"I sure wouldn't want to have to study again!"
"How long did you say it's going to take again?"
"That sounds like quite a load you're going to be taking."
"You sure are going to get tired of that drive from Branson to Springfield each day!"
And, here's the thing. I agree with all that! I'll think, "Do I really want to do this? Do I really want to go back to school and study and take tests again? Do I really want to do that?" Truthfully, it doesn't sound like much fun doing all the WORK of it. And I'll think, "I could just get a job and actually earn money now that all my kids are in school." But, the problem is, the job that I want to get requires a teaching degree. Because, what I really, really want to do is teach. So....
I'm going to go back to school and study and take tests and write papers. I'm going to drive an hour or so one way each day Monday through Friday so that I can take 17 hours of classes. While my five kids are doing their homework, I will be doing mine also. And, most importantly, I believe it is what the Lord wants me to do, so I know His grace is going to be there each and every step of the way. I know that I really can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, because I do have the greater One living on the inside of me, and He's helping me. Every step of the way, He is helping me! I'm so thankful for that! I'm so thankful to HIM!
And, one thing that excites me is that I get to learn all of these things now. I will be an up-to-date teacher, learning all the things that college students right out of high school are learning. But, I will also have twenty years of life experience on top of that. I think that actually puts me a step ahead, even if I don't know how to make a power point presentation on the computer, at least not yet.
And, I'm learning that I don't have to be perfect. My older son and I have a lot of similarities. When he was three years old, he could make basket after basket in a full-size basketball goal. I am not exaggerating. He seriously would make more baskets than he would miss. Three years old! And, we didn't even work with him. It just came natural. So, what did Jeremy and I do? We signed him up to play basketball! Well, he hated it! We would get to the game, and he would actually stand in the middle of the court and not move. It was crazy! Week after week, the same thing. He would not play!
When we asked him why he wouldn't play and shoot the basket, he told us it was because he was nervous he would miss, and he didn't want to let his team down. Three years old, and that is what he is thinking! The thing that he couldn't see was that if he didn't try to make a basket, he missed every time. The whole "You can never make a shot if you never take a shot" thing. His second grade teacher really nailed it when she told me, "The thing I notice about Daniel is that he never wants to answer a question until he is 100% sure that he is right."
I can be a lot like that. When I take a test, for example, I want to get every question on the test correct. I don't even want to miss one! Well, let me tell you, I just had to take this huge College Base Test in order to enter the elementary education program at MSU, and I did not get every question correct. Not even close. I may not have even passed part of it. But that's OK, because even if I didn't pass this time, I will pass it. I'll just have to take it again, and do better. :)
Jeremy likes to watch NBA Basketball, and I may have this wrong, but I think a team called The Heat won the playoffs this year. I watched with him, but now I can't quite remember all the details (Imagine that!). Anyway, their coach says something neat sometimes when they lose a game, "Losing is just practicing for winning the next time," or something like that. I like that, because every time you lose, you know a little better what to do the next time to help you win. You know how to play just a little better, because you saw what you did wrong the last time. But, you've got to get out there and play the game. You can never win a game that you don't play. And, you can never pass a test that you don't take.
So, these are some of my thoughts forty days before I start college again. When it all comes down, here's the thing. I've looked at the cost of going back to college (and when I say cost, I am not talking about financially, though of course, there is that aspect of going back to college as well), and this is what I've decided. It's worth it.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
A Christmas Eve Miracle
It was Christmas Eve 1999, and I remember it well. I had to work at Walmart that day. It was a very easy day at the service desk, unlike the day AFTER Christmas, and everyone was definitely in the Christmas spirit. I was sad to be away from Jeremy and the kids, but at least I got off at 7:00 PM, unlike everyone else that worked that day. The store did close at 7:00 PM, but everyone else had to stay to clean up in preparation for the day after Christmas. I got to leave because my availability on that day of the week was only until 7:00 PM. So, I was the only one leaving at 7:00 PM, and trust me, my co-workers kept giving me a hard time about it, too! I didn't mind though! I just wanted to get home to my family! It was almost Christmas!
Whew! Anyway, now that we have that straight, on with the story. So , I got off work, and started out the Walmart door. I was still in my customer-service mode, and feeling quite festive and happy! I couldn't wait to get home to see Jeremy, Diane and Daniel. I got about 20 feet away from the Walmart door and I saw a man, about my age, walking towards the door. I quickly told him, "Oh, I'm so sorry, but we're closed for the evening. We won't be opening again until the day after Christmas." It was pretty dark outside, and although some customers were loading up their vehicles with the treasures they had just purchased, it was mostly just him and me standing there.
He replied, "Oh no, that's not good. A friend just dropped me off here and now I don't have a ride home."
Hmmm, that's not good. If Jeremy had been there, I could have offered him a ride home, but I certainly wasn't going to do that since I was alone. I did respond to the man and say something like, "Sorry to hear that. I think there is a pay phone right by our door." Guess he would just have to call someone to come get him.
Now, the employees at Walmart parked way out at the end of the parking lot, in the far corner, so it was quite a walk from where I was. What I should have done at this moment was turn around and walk back inside the store. But, I didn't think of that. I just wanted to get home, and so I turned to start walking to my car, and the man followed me. I thought that was odd, but I guessed he was just going to walk on home instead of call someone. Maybe he lived close.
Right then, much to my surprise, Jeremy and the kids pulled up in our mini van. Jeremy opened the passenger side door, which was just a few feet away from me, and said, "Get in!"
I was so surprised to see him. He never picked me up at work, and there was no reason for him to be there. I had the car to drive myself home. But, I quickly thought how wonderful this was, because now we could offer that man a ride home. I started to explain the man's situation to Jeremy, but he simply said again, "Nikki, get in the van!"
"OK," I thought. He sure is anxious for me to get inside the van. I'll just explain the situation once I get inside. So, I got in and he said, "Close the door." So I did, and he drove straight across the parking lot, towards our car that was parked in the employee parking.
"Wait a minute, Honey. I want to tell you something," I said.
"No," he said, "Who was that man you were talking to? I didn't like the way he was looking at you."
"What do you mean?" I replied, confused, "He just came here to shop, and I told him we were closed and he said that he didn't have a ride home. A friend dropped him off. I think he is going to walk home, and it's so cold I was thinking maybe we could give him a ride, now that you're here."
Jeremy drove over to where our car was and parked. "No, I didn't like the look he had on his face when he was looking at you. Let's just watch him a minute and see what he does," he said, locking our van doors.
We were pretty far away from where the man was by this point, and we sat and watched him. He walked right over to a beat-up car, opened the door, got inside and drove away, all by himself. I couldn't believe it. I was completely dumb-founded.
Jeremy and I were both pretty shaken up at this point, as the realization of what had just happened sunk in. Diane and Daniel were oblivious in the back seat. Oh my! We sat in the parking lot, and I asked Jeremy why he had come to pick me up, since it had not been planned and I had the car right here. He explained that he had taken the kids to McDonald's that day to play in their play area while I was at work. As he was sitting there, this idea popped into his head. He said he thought it was the Lord saying, "You should go pick Nikki up at work today." He said he quickly dismissed the idea, since there was really no reason to do that. But, later at home, he heard it again, "You should go pick Nikki up at work today." He said it wasn't a very strong thought, and didn't seem pressing at all. He dismissed it again. But, the third time the thought came, "You should go pick Nikki up at work today" he decided he would do it.
So, he loaded the kids back up again, drove to Walmart, and pulled up exactly as I was starting to walk to my car, with that strange man following me. Wow! I mean, we couldn't have planned it out any better if we had tried. He got there at exactly the right time to "pick me up from work," even though I already had the car there. Who does that? No one, except for a Godly husband who is definitely listening to the voice of God and protecting his silly, naive wife, who should have thought to go back inside with that man there, but didn't. No, I was just going to walk on out to my car, all by myself, with that man following me all the way.
God knew exactly what I was going to do, and He protected me! That Christmas Eve, and all day Christmas, we just couldn't stop thanking God for His protection! What would have happened if Jeremy hadn't "picked me up" from work that day? I am so very, very thankful that I do not know. God is so good, and He protects His children even when they're being foolish! Thank you, Lord! To God be all the glory!!!
Whew! Anyway, now that we have that straight, on with the story. So , I got off work, and started out the Walmart door. I was still in my customer-service mode, and feeling quite festive and happy! I couldn't wait to get home to see Jeremy, Diane and Daniel. I got about 20 feet away from the Walmart door and I saw a man, about my age, walking towards the door. I quickly told him, "Oh, I'm so sorry, but we're closed for the evening. We won't be opening again until the day after Christmas." It was pretty dark outside, and although some customers were loading up their vehicles with the treasures they had just purchased, it was mostly just him and me standing there.
He replied, "Oh no, that's not good. A friend just dropped me off here and now I don't have a ride home."
Hmmm, that's not good. If Jeremy had been there, I could have offered him a ride home, but I certainly wasn't going to do that since I was alone. I did respond to the man and say something like, "Sorry to hear that. I think there is a pay phone right by our door." Guess he would just have to call someone to come get him.
Now, the employees at Walmart parked way out at the end of the parking lot, in the far corner, so it was quite a walk from where I was. What I should have done at this moment was turn around and walk back inside the store. But, I didn't think of that. I just wanted to get home, and so I turned to start walking to my car, and the man followed me. I thought that was odd, but I guessed he was just going to walk on home instead of call someone. Maybe he lived close.
Right then, much to my surprise, Jeremy and the kids pulled up in our mini van. Jeremy opened the passenger side door, which was just a few feet away from me, and said, "Get in!"
I was so surprised to see him. He never picked me up at work, and there was no reason for him to be there. I had the car to drive myself home. But, I quickly thought how wonderful this was, because now we could offer that man a ride home. I started to explain the man's situation to Jeremy, but he simply said again, "Nikki, get in the van!"
"OK," I thought. He sure is anxious for me to get inside the van. I'll just explain the situation once I get inside. So, I got in and he said, "Close the door." So I did, and he drove straight across the parking lot, towards our car that was parked in the employee parking.
"Wait a minute, Honey. I want to tell you something," I said.
"No," he said, "Who was that man you were talking to? I didn't like the way he was looking at you."
"What do you mean?" I replied, confused, "He just came here to shop, and I told him we were closed and he said that he didn't have a ride home. A friend dropped him off. I think he is going to walk home, and it's so cold I was thinking maybe we could give him a ride, now that you're here."
Jeremy drove over to where our car was and parked. "No, I didn't like the look he had on his face when he was looking at you. Let's just watch him a minute and see what he does," he said, locking our van doors.
We were pretty far away from where the man was by this point, and we sat and watched him. He walked right over to a beat-up car, opened the door, got inside and drove away, all by himself. I couldn't believe it. I was completely dumb-founded.
Jeremy and I were both pretty shaken up at this point, as the realization of what had just happened sunk in. Diane and Daniel were oblivious in the back seat. Oh my! We sat in the parking lot, and I asked Jeremy why he had come to pick me up, since it had not been planned and I had the car right here. He explained that he had taken the kids to McDonald's that day to play in their play area while I was at work. As he was sitting there, this idea popped into his head. He said he thought it was the Lord saying, "You should go pick Nikki up at work today." He said he quickly dismissed the idea, since there was really no reason to do that. But, later at home, he heard it again, "You should go pick Nikki up at work today." He said it wasn't a very strong thought, and didn't seem pressing at all. He dismissed it again. But, the third time the thought came, "You should go pick Nikki up at work today" he decided he would do it.
So, he loaded the kids back up again, drove to Walmart, and pulled up exactly as I was starting to walk to my car, with that strange man following me. Wow! I mean, we couldn't have planned it out any better if we had tried. He got there at exactly the right time to "pick me up from work," even though I already had the car there. Who does that? No one, except for a Godly husband who is definitely listening to the voice of God and protecting his silly, naive wife, who should have thought to go back inside with that man there, but didn't. No, I was just going to walk on out to my car, all by myself, with that man following me all the way.
God knew exactly what I was going to do, and He protected me! That Christmas Eve, and all day Christmas, we just couldn't stop thanking God for His protection! What would have happened if Jeremy hadn't "picked me up" from work that day? I am so very, very thankful that I do not know. God is so good, and He protects His children even when they're being foolish! Thank you, Lord! To God be all the glory!!!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Walmart
"Find out what God wants you to do and do that."
It is easy to say. But, it takes trust to actually do. Trust in God, really. So, God had made it pretty clear to us that He wanted us to send Diane to a private Christian school, even though there seemed to be a perfectly fine public school a few blocks from our house. And, from the outside, the public school looked so much nicer, and offered a huge benefit that the private school did not. It was completely free.
But, when you're following God, money can not be your deciding factor on things. No, the only thing that can be your deciding factor is what God wants you to do, whether it seems like a financially wise idea or not. God always knows best, and He always has your best interest at heart. It's true. I feel a side note coming...
Soon after I got filled with the Holy Spirit and started living for God, I spent a lot of time visiting Christian bookstores. I mean, I wanted to go into every Christian bookstore that I could find to see all the gems they had. I was so hungry to know God even more. I "happened" to go into the Christian bookstore in my hometown of Parsons, KS, and I "happened" to buy this little 2x3 inch card that had Jeremiah 29:11 written on it. Now, I know that is a very popular verse, and people quote it often. It is such a wonderful, wonderful promise from God!
"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Wow! Well, I bought that little card. I think it was a dollar, and it may have been the best dollar I have ever spent. I put that card in my little light blue Chevy Spectrum, right in front of the steering wheel. You know, that plastic "window" where you can see your speed and how much gas you have left. I set that card right there. And, every time I got in my car, I read that card out loud. And, as I was driving here and there around town, I would say that scripture. I would say, "For God knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me, and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11" I have no idea how many times I spoke those words out loud, but it was at least hundreds.
And, that verse got inside of me. I mean, it truly changed me from the inside out. No can ever convince me that God doesn't have a good plan for me and for my life. No one can ever convince me that God doesn't love me, and want wonderful things for me. Why? Because that verse has gotten so rooted into my heart nothing can take it out. And, I didn't realize it at the time, but it helped me so much when a few short months later He started talking with Jeremy and me about attending Bible School. Because when you believe Jeremiah 29:11, you have absolutely no problem obeying the Lord. It can still be hard to do what God wants you to do, but you are so convinced that what He wants you to do is best, you wouldn't dream of not doing it!
Yes, God had a lot of wisdom having me meditate and read that verse over and over again. It's still in me today. I only want to do what He wants me to do. I only want to be where He wants me to be. I haven't followed Him perfectly over these last 20 years, but God knows my heart, and I have truly endeavored to follow Him always.
OK, end of side note! :) So yes, the private Christian school was not free. Interestingly enough, it was the same cost as Jeremy and my tuition had been at Rhema Bible Training Center. This would cause my mind to go tilt. I would think, "She could be going to Bible School for the same cost as we're going to be paying for her to go to kindergarten!" Little did we know in a few short years we would be paying for three kids' tuition at that very school. And, something funny about that was that Olathe Christian School actually had a deal that if you pay for three kids' tuition your fourth one is free. Only we didn't have a fourth one to enroll! That can definitely be a hard blow for a bargain-hunter like me. It didn't bother Jeremy one bit, and he would laugh when I would say, "But, if we just had one more child enrolled there, they could go free!" Ha!
So, Diane's first year of school we decided that I would get a job at Walmart as a cashier to pay for her schooling. I worked 16 hours a week, and soon after starting they moved me over to the service desk. I really enjoyed working the service desk. And, I got wonderful opportunities to share about the Lord while I was working there. But, it was pretty hard for Jeremy and me to do in the beginning...
At the time we went to a church where most of the husbands worked and the wives stayed home with the kids. Have you ever noticed that different churches have different ideas about things? I don't mean that badly, I just mean that some churches may have a lot of stay-at-home moms, whereas at another church a lot of the moms have careers. We were at the stay-at-home mom church. And, to be quite honest, I kind of had the idea that it was best for the husband to work and the wife to stay home with the kids also. I wondered if this idea could really be from the Lord. Should I really get a job to pay for Diane to go to kindergarten?
Around this same time, I was reading the Bible, not really thinking about the whole work thing. And, praise the Lord, He spoke to my heart. He said, "Have you ever noticed that the Proverbs 31 woman worked outside of the home?" The Proverbs 31 woman. Aw, yes. That wonderful passage of scripture that Christian women read, sometimes with much trepidation, wondering how they could ever live up to this woman that the Bible calls "The Virtuous Woman."
I certainly had not noticed that, and I didn't even think it was true. "Could that possibly be true?" I questioned the Lord. He responded, "Look for yourself."
So, I flipped through my Bible to Proverbs 31 and began reading. I started in verse 10, where it begins talking about this Godly woman. And, sure enough, I got down to verse 16 and noticed that it said, "...out of her earnings, she plants a vineyard." At this point the Lord questioned me, saying, "Out of whose earnings?" And I responded, "Hers!" I was so amazed!
I continued reading and got down to verse 24 and saw that it said, "She makes linen garments and sells them..." Wow! She had her own clothing business! At this point, she became even more impressive to me than she already had been! She seemed to be able to do so much, and she was graced to do it all. And, I got such a peace in my heart. And, I knew if it was what God wanted me to do, God would grace me too! Yes, the Lord did want me to get a job to pay for Diane's kindergarten year.
Why did I share all this? I think it is because sometimes the Lord wants you to do something, and it might not really be the "popular" thing to do, even among your closest friends. I think that could be when it's hardest to do what He wants you to do, because you think that your closest friends would surely agree with you. But, it's always a good idea to follow Him, no matter what. Oh, He's so good and so wonderful, and you can never go wrong following His leading! Because, just like Jeremiah 29:11 was written to ME, it was also written to YOU! So, I worked at Walmart for almost exactly a year, and we used my earnings to pay for Diane's tuition.
It is easy to say. But, it takes trust to actually do. Trust in God, really. So, God had made it pretty clear to us that He wanted us to send Diane to a private Christian school, even though there seemed to be a perfectly fine public school a few blocks from our house. And, from the outside, the public school looked so much nicer, and offered a huge benefit that the private school did not. It was completely free.
But, when you're following God, money can not be your deciding factor on things. No, the only thing that can be your deciding factor is what God wants you to do, whether it seems like a financially wise idea or not. God always knows best, and He always has your best interest at heart. It's true. I feel a side note coming...
Soon after I got filled with the Holy Spirit and started living for God, I spent a lot of time visiting Christian bookstores. I mean, I wanted to go into every Christian bookstore that I could find to see all the gems they had. I was so hungry to know God even more. I "happened" to go into the Christian bookstore in my hometown of Parsons, KS, and I "happened" to buy this little 2x3 inch card that had Jeremiah 29:11 written on it. Now, I know that is a very popular verse, and people quote it often. It is such a wonderful, wonderful promise from God!
"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Wow! Well, I bought that little card. I think it was a dollar, and it may have been the best dollar I have ever spent. I put that card in my little light blue Chevy Spectrum, right in front of the steering wheel. You know, that plastic "window" where you can see your speed and how much gas you have left. I set that card right there. And, every time I got in my car, I read that card out loud. And, as I was driving here and there around town, I would say that scripture. I would say, "For God knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me, and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11" I have no idea how many times I spoke those words out loud, but it was at least hundreds.
And, that verse got inside of me. I mean, it truly changed me from the inside out. No can ever convince me that God doesn't have a good plan for me and for my life. No one can ever convince me that God doesn't love me, and want wonderful things for me. Why? Because that verse has gotten so rooted into my heart nothing can take it out. And, I didn't realize it at the time, but it helped me so much when a few short months later He started talking with Jeremy and me about attending Bible School. Because when you believe Jeremiah 29:11, you have absolutely no problem obeying the Lord. It can still be hard to do what God wants you to do, but you are so convinced that what He wants you to do is best, you wouldn't dream of not doing it!
Yes, God had a lot of wisdom having me meditate and read that verse over and over again. It's still in me today. I only want to do what He wants me to do. I only want to be where He wants me to be. I haven't followed Him perfectly over these last 20 years, but God knows my heart, and I have truly endeavored to follow Him always.
OK, end of side note! :) So yes, the private Christian school was not free. Interestingly enough, it was the same cost as Jeremy and my tuition had been at Rhema Bible Training Center. This would cause my mind to go tilt. I would think, "She could be going to Bible School for the same cost as we're going to be paying for her to go to kindergarten!" Little did we know in a few short years we would be paying for three kids' tuition at that very school. And, something funny about that was that Olathe Christian School actually had a deal that if you pay for three kids' tuition your fourth one is free. Only we didn't have a fourth one to enroll! That can definitely be a hard blow for a bargain-hunter like me. It didn't bother Jeremy one bit, and he would laugh when I would say, "But, if we just had one more child enrolled there, they could go free!" Ha!
So, Diane's first year of school we decided that I would get a job at Walmart as a cashier to pay for her schooling. I worked 16 hours a week, and soon after starting they moved me over to the service desk. I really enjoyed working the service desk. And, I got wonderful opportunities to share about the Lord while I was working there. But, it was pretty hard for Jeremy and me to do in the beginning...
At the time we went to a church where most of the husbands worked and the wives stayed home with the kids. Have you ever noticed that different churches have different ideas about things? I don't mean that badly, I just mean that some churches may have a lot of stay-at-home moms, whereas at another church a lot of the moms have careers. We were at the stay-at-home mom church. And, to be quite honest, I kind of had the idea that it was best for the husband to work and the wife to stay home with the kids also. I wondered if this idea could really be from the Lord. Should I really get a job to pay for Diane to go to kindergarten?
Around this same time, I was reading the Bible, not really thinking about the whole work thing. And, praise the Lord, He spoke to my heart. He said, "Have you ever noticed that the Proverbs 31 woman worked outside of the home?" The Proverbs 31 woman. Aw, yes. That wonderful passage of scripture that Christian women read, sometimes with much trepidation, wondering how they could ever live up to this woman that the Bible calls "The Virtuous Woman."
I certainly had not noticed that, and I didn't even think it was true. "Could that possibly be true?" I questioned the Lord. He responded, "Look for yourself."
So, I flipped through my Bible to Proverbs 31 and began reading. I started in verse 10, where it begins talking about this Godly woman. And, sure enough, I got down to verse 16 and noticed that it said, "...out of her earnings, she plants a vineyard." At this point the Lord questioned me, saying, "Out of whose earnings?" And I responded, "Hers!" I was so amazed!
I continued reading and got down to verse 24 and saw that it said, "She makes linen garments and sells them..." Wow! She had her own clothing business! At this point, she became even more impressive to me than she already had been! She seemed to be able to do so much, and she was graced to do it all. And, I got such a peace in my heart. And, I knew if it was what God wanted me to do, God would grace me too! Yes, the Lord did want me to get a job to pay for Diane's kindergarten year.
Why did I share all this? I think it is because sometimes the Lord wants you to do something, and it might not really be the "popular" thing to do, even among your closest friends. I think that could be when it's hardest to do what He wants you to do, because you think that your closest friends would surely agree with you. But, it's always a good idea to follow Him, no matter what. Oh, He's so good and so wonderful, and you can never go wrong following His leading! Because, just like Jeremiah 29:11 was written to ME, it was also written to YOU! So, I worked at Walmart for almost exactly a year, and we used my earnings to pay for Diane's tuition.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Olathe Christian School
Diane was four when we moved to Olathe, KS that summer of 1999, and she started preschool that fall. Towards the end of preschool, we began thinking about her starting Kindergarten. There was an elementary school not far from our house, and we assumed that Diane would be going there to school. However, as it got closer to school starting, we began sensing that the Lord wanted us to send Diane to a private Christian school, not a public school. We kept thinking about it, so we decided to see if there were even any Christian schools in Olathe.
Meanwhile, the elementary school near our home had a Kindergarten Round-up. All the new kindergartners got to come to the school, meet different teachers and see one of the kindergarten classrooms. I decided I would take Diane since we weren't sure if she would be attending that school, or a Christian school. "It won't hurt to go look at the public school," I reasonably thought.
So, she and I went to the open house, and the school was beautiful. The classroom we got to see was perfect. It looked like it would be so much fun for five year olds! It even had a reading loft in the corner of the room. Of course, Diane was very excited seeing that classroom. And, all the kids got to plant seeds that afternoon, which was also lots of fun! Diane left that open house with a bag full of all kinds of goodies, and her newly planted seed that we were going to watch grow! She could hardly wait for school to start!
Well, I also had found a Christian school in the area, Olathe Christian School, and it wasn't too far from our house. So, we set up an appointment to go visit that school, and we went there soon after our visit to the open house at the public school. Jeremy, Diane and I met the director of the school, and he walked us around the building. The school was actually in a church, and the classrooms were small and not very exciting. But, he told us about the curriculum the school used, how the school had been founded, how they prayed before they ate lunch. It was very impressive from that standpoint, but not too impressive to look at. I could sense the love of God at that school though, which I really liked. As we were leaving, the director turned to Diane, almost as an afterthought, and told her they had just done a fund-raiser for the school selling sports bottles that said Olathe Christian School on them. They had some left, and he handed her one of them to keep. She politely said, "Thank you." As I was looking at that plastic bottle though, I was thinking about all the fun and exciting things the public school had given her, and how she probably really wasn't too excited about that cup.
I was feeling pretty convinced that the Lord wanted us to send Diane to Olathe Christian School, and I was really wishing that I hadn't even taken her to the public school's open house. It was just so nice and fun-looking at that school, and Olathe Christian School didn't even compare with it externally. I prayed that I hadn't made a mistake, and that the Lord would help Diane if we did decide to send her to Olathe Christian School. I was pretty sure that was the school she would be attending!
Now remember, Diane was only five years old. What five year old would choose a boring classroom over a fun and exciting one where she got to plant seeds? So, when she came into my room about a week later and told me that she knew what school God wanted her to go to, I was pretty skeptical about what she was going to say. I will never forget this moment. My adorable little five year old stood before me and said, "I've been talking to God about what school I'm supposed to go to, and He told me where He wants me to go."
"What did He say?" I asked.
"Do you know that story in the Bible about the lady that put a penny in the offering at her church?" Diane asked me.
"Yes," I said.
"Well," she said, in her cute, little five year old voice, "she put that penny in the offering and Jesus said that she gave more than anyone else even though it was only a penny. She gave all that she had."
"True," I responded.
"I think God wants me to go to Olathe Christian School. When we visited the other school, they gave me a lot of fun things, and I got to plant a seed. And, when we went to Olathe Christian School, they gave me that cup," she said, "But really, Olathe Christian School gave me more because I think the other school has a lot more than they do. Yeah, God wants me to go to Olathe Christian School."
Wow! If it wasn't settled in Jeremy and my hearts before that, it sure was then. So, we enrolled Diane at Olathe Christian School, and thus her school years began! And, we never regretted it one bit. Because although Olathe Christian School didn't have much from a financial standpoint, they had lots from a spiritual and educational standpoint. They didn't have top of the line computers, but they did have top of the line curriculum. They didn't have lots of nice, new toys for the kids to play with, but they did have teachers that loved and prayed for and with their students each and every day. And, that is what really matters, what is on the inside, not just what things look like on the outside.
Meanwhile, the elementary school near our home had a Kindergarten Round-up. All the new kindergartners got to come to the school, meet different teachers and see one of the kindergarten classrooms. I decided I would take Diane since we weren't sure if she would be attending that school, or a Christian school. "It won't hurt to go look at the public school," I reasonably thought.
So, she and I went to the open house, and the school was beautiful. The classroom we got to see was perfect. It looked like it would be so much fun for five year olds! It even had a reading loft in the corner of the room. Of course, Diane was very excited seeing that classroom. And, all the kids got to plant seeds that afternoon, which was also lots of fun! Diane left that open house with a bag full of all kinds of goodies, and her newly planted seed that we were going to watch grow! She could hardly wait for school to start!
Well, I also had found a Christian school in the area, Olathe Christian School, and it wasn't too far from our house. So, we set up an appointment to go visit that school, and we went there soon after our visit to the open house at the public school. Jeremy, Diane and I met the director of the school, and he walked us around the building. The school was actually in a church, and the classrooms were small and not very exciting. But, he told us about the curriculum the school used, how the school had been founded, how they prayed before they ate lunch. It was very impressive from that standpoint, but not too impressive to look at. I could sense the love of God at that school though, which I really liked. As we were leaving, the director turned to Diane, almost as an afterthought, and told her they had just done a fund-raiser for the school selling sports bottles that said Olathe Christian School on them. They had some left, and he handed her one of them to keep. She politely said, "Thank you." As I was looking at that plastic bottle though, I was thinking about all the fun and exciting things the public school had given her, and how she probably really wasn't too excited about that cup.
I was feeling pretty convinced that the Lord wanted us to send Diane to Olathe Christian School, and I was really wishing that I hadn't even taken her to the public school's open house. It was just so nice and fun-looking at that school, and Olathe Christian School didn't even compare with it externally. I prayed that I hadn't made a mistake, and that the Lord would help Diane if we did decide to send her to Olathe Christian School. I was pretty sure that was the school she would be attending!
Now remember, Diane was only five years old. What five year old would choose a boring classroom over a fun and exciting one where she got to plant seeds? So, when she came into my room about a week later and told me that she knew what school God wanted her to go to, I was pretty skeptical about what she was going to say. I will never forget this moment. My adorable little five year old stood before me and said, "I've been talking to God about what school I'm supposed to go to, and He told me where He wants me to go."
"What did He say?" I asked.
"Do you know that story in the Bible about the lady that put a penny in the offering at her church?" Diane asked me.
"Yes," I said.
"Well," she said, in her cute, little five year old voice, "she put that penny in the offering and Jesus said that she gave more than anyone else even though it was only a penny. She gave all that she had."
"True," I responded.
"I think God wants me to go to Olathe Christian School. When we visited the other school, they gave me a lot of fun things, and I got to plant a seed. And, when we went to Olathe Christian School, they gave me that cup," she said, "But really, Olathe Christian School gave me more because I think the other school has a lot more than they do. Yeah, God wants me to go to Olathe Christian School."
Wow! If it wasn't settled in Jeremy and my hearts before that, it sure was then. So, we enrolled Diane at Olathe Christian School, and thus her school years began! And, we never regretted it one bit. Because although Olathe Christian School didn't have much from a financial standpoint, they had lots from a spiritual and educational standpoint. They didn't have top of the line computers, but they did have top of the line curriculum. They didn't have lots of nice, new toys for the kids to play with, but they did have teachers that loved and prayed for and with their students each and every day. And, that is what really matters, what is on the inside, not just what things look like on the outside.
Monday, June 18, 2012
The Words of my Daddy
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!" I don't know if you remember this little chant, but when I was growing up, kids used to say this to each other often. I remember saying it, and having it said to me. And, it was always in the midst of some fight or disagreement. Yes, in my childhood we said it a lot growing up, but is true?
As I think back, I see there were key moments in my life when people spoke things to me that changed me and changed my life. I imagine those people didn't even realize it at the time, but what they said impacted me so much that it changed the direction and course of my life forever. I am sure if you think back, you could say the same thing. Because yesterday was Father's Day, I was thinking about my dad. I am sure he doesn't even remember this, though maybe he does. And, I've never told him this, though I've shared it with numerous other people.
I was probably four years old, or maybe three, at the time. I don't remember much from when I was that age, but I do remember this. My daddy was tucking me into bed one night. Now, I always slept with a lot of stuffed animals. My daddy always teased me and said that he couldn't find me in the bed with all those stuffed animals. He'd give one of the animals a kiss, pretending that he thought it was me. He'd do that over and over again, and I would just laugh and laugh, because he couldn't find me anywhere in my little twin bed with all those animals.
Well, this night after going through that little routine, he said it was time to say my prayers. My prayers went something like, "God bless this person" and "God bless that person," which was also our routine. But, this night my dad told me something different. I think I said something about not knowing what to pray when I prayed to God, and he said, "Nikki, you can tell God anything you want. He loves it when you talk to Him about anything. You can just talk to Him just like you are talking to me, and tell Him just what you would tell me."
Now, that seems like a small thing, but actually it was huge. Everyone has a perception of God. Everyone has a way that they view Him, rather they are right about that or not. And, the way that you view God matters so much. Do you think He is a good and loving God who cares deeply and intimately about you, or do you think that He is a cold and hard God, who is ready to punish you if you make one wrong move? I think the first thing about the God I serve and love, and one really big reason was from my daddy telling me that when I was such a small little girl. You know, little girls believe everything their daddies tell them, and I was no exception to that rule.
It changed me. It changed how I interacted with God then and throughout my whole life, because all of sudden that night I had a view of God the Father. A Father who cared about every little detail of my life, and wanted me to share all my thoughts, hopes and dreams with Him. Abba Father (Daddy-God). The Bible calls Him that, but lots of people have never viewed God as a loving Daddy who wants them to run and sit on His lap and tell them about their day. But, from that moment on, that is exactly how I viewed God, as a Heavenly Father full of love, compassion and care for me.
I am so thankful that my dad spoke those words to me that night. From that point on, I talked to God just like I would talk to my best friend. I didn't really know Him, and I hadn't accepted Him as my Lord and my Savior (didn't even know that I could do that). I never heard Him speak back to me throughout my years growing up, but I would sense His presence. And, what I did know from what my daddy had told me was that God cared about me and wanted me to talk with Him.
Words. They matter. What you say to someone matters. What you say about yourself matters. There are numerous places in the Bible where it talks about the power that is in our words. Power in our words? What? In Proverbs it even says that the power of life and death is in the tongue, meaning in what we say. I think most people don't really think their words amount to much, that it really doesn't matter what they say or don't say. Yet, according to the Bible, the opposite is true. What you say matters so much that it affects life and death. That's pretty amazing!
So, Happy Father's Day, Dad! There is no other dad I would rather have than you! I'm so thankful that God chose me to be your daughter, and I'm so thankful you spoke those words into my life so many years ago (Hmmm, what would it be? Thirty-six or 37 years ago now, and yet I still remember that moment and those words.). You set a correct view of God for me that night (and I have shared that story numerous times when sharing about the love of God to other people), and for that I am forever grateful! Love you bunches!
As I think back, I see there were key moments in my life when people spoke things to me that changed me and changed my life. I imagine those people didn't even realize it at the time, but what they said impacted me so much that it changed the direction and course of my life forever. I am sure if you think back, you could say the same thing. Because yesterday was Father's Day, I was thinking about my dad. I am sure he doesn't even remember this, though maybe he does. And, I've never told him this, though I've shared it with numerous other people.
I was probably four years old, or maybe three, at the time. I don't remember much from when I was that age, but I do remember this. My daddy was tucking me into bed one night. Now, I always slept with a lot of stuffed animals. My daddy always teased me and said that he couldn't find me in the bed with all those stuffed animals. He'd give one of the animals a kiss, pretending that he thought it was me. He'd do that over and over again, and I would just laugh and laugh, because he couldn't find me anywhere in my little twin bed with all those animals.
Well, this night after going through that little routine, he said it was time to say my prayers. My prayers went something like, "God bless this person" and "God bless that person," which was also our routine. But, this night my dad told me something different. I think I said something about not knowing what to pray when I prayed to God, and he said, "Nikki, you can tell God anything you want. He loves it when you talk to Him about anything. You can just talk to Him just like you are talking to me, and tell Him just what you would tell me."
Now, that seems like a small thing, but actually it was huge. Everyone has a perception of God. Everyone has a way that they view Him, rather they are right about that or not. And, the way that you view God matters so much. Do you think He is a good and loving God who cares deeply and intimately about you, or do you think that He is a cold and hard God, who is ready to punish you if you make one wrong move? I think the first thing about the God I serve and love, and one really big reason was from my daddy telling me that when I was such a small little girl. You know, little girls believe everything their daddies tell them, and I was no exception to that rule.
It changed me. It changed how I interacted with God then and throughout my whole life, because all of sudden that night I had a view of God the Father. A Father who cared about every little detail of my life, and wanted me to share all my thoughts, hopes and dreams with Him. Abba Father (Daddy-God). The Bible calls Him that, but lots of people have never viewed God as a loving Daddy who wants them to run and sit on His lap and tell them about their day. But, from that moment on, that is exactly how I viewed God, as a Heavenly Father full of love, compassion and care for me.
I am so thankful that my dad spoke those words to me that night. From that point on, I talked to God just like I would talk to my best friend. I didn't really know Him, and I hadn't accepted Him as my Lord and my Savior (didn't even know that I could do that). I never heard Him speak back to me throughout my years growing up, but I would sense His presence. And, what I did know from what my daddy had told me was that God cared about me and wanted me to talk with Him.
Words. They matter. What you say to someone matters. What you say about yourself matters. There are numerous places in the Bible where it talks about the power that is in our words. Power in our words? What? In Proverbs it even says that the power of life and death is in the tongue, meaning in what we say. I think most people don't really think their words amount to much, that it really doesn't matter what they say or don't say. Yet, according to the Bible, the opposite is true. What you say matters so much that it affects life and death. That's pretty amazing!
So, Happy Father's Day, Dad! There is no other dad I would rather have than you! I'm so thankful that God chose me to be your daughter, and I'm so thankful you spoke those words into my life so many years ago (Hmmm, what would it be? Thirty-six or 37 years ago now, and yet I still remember that moment and those words.). You set a correct view of God for me that night (and I have shared that story numerous times when sharing about the love of God to other people), and for that I am forever grateful! Love you bunches!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
The Wrong House
On that note, from my previous "Job Offer" post, it is always good to find out what God wants you to do and do that. Oh yes, that is the best way to live! And, God had amazingly led us to the first house we bought. He truly had. I mean, we only looked at ONE house in Broken Arrow, and that was the one. Then the Lord supernaturally brought in the money to buy that house, and we did. It was all very smooth and easy. Well, I guess besides move-in day, when the other owners hadn't started moving out yet! Ha, ha! But, really, it had been smooth and easy.
So, we were pretty naive to the actual process of buying a home. We were also pretty naive about the Kansas City area. And, Jeremy was living in a hotel in Lenexa, KS throughout the week. I was at home with a new baby and a four-year old. And, I was pregnant (Another story for another time!)! So, we were ready to be settled in the Kansas City area. The one thing we were very sure about was Olathe, KS. We knew we were supposed to move to Olathe, so we did have that direction from the Lord.
Now, when we had bought the home in Broken Arrow, it was move-in ready. Do you know what I mean? We didn't have to do one thing to that house. It was just ready to move on in. And, we liked that quite a bit. So, WE decided (and I do mean we, and not the Lord) we should find a house just like that in Olathe, KS, a house that was move-in ready. I cannot even remember how many houses we looked at, and we really didn't like any of them that much.
We looked at one house that was definitely not move-in ready, but we liked the floor plan of that house so much. I still remember that floor plan, and it was perfect! But, it needed a new air conditioning and heating unit. It needed siding. And, it needed carpet. Other than that, it was in pretty good shape, but the thought of a house needing all that work intimidated Jeremy and me. So, every time we would think about that house, which was often, we would go through our list of negatives about that house, and decide we definitely wouldn't buy that one. Even though we liked it. Even though the neighborhood was perfect. Even though, if we had been listening to the Lord, we would have.
No, instead we bought a different house that was about a mile away from the other one. The house we bought was move-in ready, just like we wanted. But, I didn't like the floor plan at all. And, it only had three bedrooms, which I also didn't like. And, it had a huge backyard, which we didn't like either (Jeremy doesn't really like mowing, and we didn't want to spend the time that lawn would require.).
There were a lot of positive things about it. It was pretty, large kitchen, nice neighborhood, finished half-basement. So, I guess if you're going to miss the house God has for you, at least it's good to end up with a nice house. Ha! I'm just kidding about that, because really I think it's best to wait until you know what God has for you to do and do that. But, thank God that His Word says that all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. God is so merciful, so kind, so full of compassion. And, you know what, He blessed us in that house in spite of everything! That's how good He is! But, I have often wondered what would have happened if we had lived in the other house, the one we should have bought.
This reminds me of another story, and these two definitely relate, so I think I'll share it. Now, Jeremy and I are firmly established in the belief that our God is a God of increase! He is a Blesser, a Rewarder, and He likes to give His children good and wonderful things! So, at the time of this second story, we lived in the above-mentioned house, aka "the wrong house," and we had lived there for several years. I always knew we wouldn't be staying in that house forever, and really I was always ready to move out of it, because I didn't really like it. Now, I was very, very thankful for it, and I never complained about it. I just knew if wasn't "our house." It never had been, and it never would be. But, nonetheless, we lived there for several years, and lots of good and wonderful things happened there, so I'm thankful. God taught us a lot from that mistake, because we learned how to listen to Him better the next time. And, the time after that. And, the time after that. And, well, you get the picture.
Anyway, back to the story. I was driving in a pretty rough area in Olathe. I wouldn't normally have been in this area, but I had an errand there, so I was. And, the houses weren't too nice and it just looked rough. I was alone in our van (a rare thing at this point in my life), and I was just driving through this neighborhood back to a main road. And, there was a house for sale on the corner of this street in this neighborhood. And, the Lord spoke to my heart, not out loud, but it was very clear.
"If I wanted you to buy that house and move there, would you do it?"
Now, you might think my immediate answer would be "yes," because of course Jeremy and my main motto in life is to find out what God wants us to do and do that, but I was very hesitant when He said this. First of all, my mind went a little bit tilt when He spoke that to my heart because in my mind, God is a God of increase, and how in the world would that house be increase from our current house? I mean, this was a rough, run-down neighborhood. True, the house that was for sale looked like the nicest one on the block, but that wasn't saying much. So, my mind went tilt, meaning it was hard for me to accept that the Lord would ever want us to live in such a house and neighborhood, when I know what a good and wonderful God I serve.
Second of all, the Lord has spoken to me like this before, so I knew full well that if I said "yes" His response might be "OK then. Sell your home and buy this one" or something like that. And, I was seriously thinking about what I would do if He said that. Would I buy and live in that house, in this neighborhood? Would I like having my kids live in this neighborhood? Oh my!
As I was thinking all of this, the question came again. "If I wanted you to buy that house and move there, would you do it?"
And, I said something like, "But Lord, You're a God of increase, and I don't see any way that this house could possibly be increase for us. It doesn't seem like you would want us to buy this house. The house we live in now is so much nicer than that house, and in such a better neighborhood." You see, it didn't fit my mold or view of how I thought God was at this point, and it was hard for me to comprehend the fact that God would ever want us to buy that house and move there.
"I know," He responded, "But, if you were sure that I wanted you to buy that house and move there, would you do it?
I thought for a minute, and said, "Yes, Lord, if I was sure that you wanted us to buy that house and move there, I would do it. I would do it in a heartbeat." And, I truly meant that.
I had a feeling that at this point, He may say, "That is exactly what I want you to do" so I braced myself. I also wondered what Jeremy would think about all of this! My, this was turning out to be quite an interesting day. But, His response changed my thinking forever.
He said, "What if I knew that there was a person in this neighborhood that would only come to know Me if you and your family moved there?"
That, my friend, is definitely increase! Tears filled my eyes. Glory to God!
Well, God didn't want us to move there. He was just using that to teach me a few things, and there are so many lessons in that story, it's hard for me to put them into words. It really is! Things are not always the way they appear on the outside. You see, if God would have had us buy that home and live in that neighborhood, to the natural eye and to a lot of people that would have looked like decrease. But, in actuality, it would have been the best increase ever. Things are nice to have, and good to use while we live here on this Earth, but when we leave here, no thing is going with us! But, people are, and people are what matter to the heart of God. And, people are what matter to my heart as well. Not things, people. Loving people. Ministering to people. People are valuable. Precious. The fruit of the Earth.
Anyway, you may wonder why buying that first house in Olathe reminded me of that second story, but you probably already figured that out. Because, it matters where you live and who your neighbors are. It matters where you work. It matters where you go to church. It matters where you buy groceries. It matters, because if you know Jesus, you are the light of the World, and you bring light wherever you go! You bring Jesus. You bring His love. Places are different just because you show up there. It might not seem that way to you, but they are, and you don't even realize it because you're there. You don't know what it was like before you got there, but I'll tell you. It was darker. Because, you carry the light and love of Jesus inside of you. Oh Lord, help us to share that light and love today with everyone we come in contact with. Use us!
So, yeah, we bought the wrong first house in Olathe, but I'm so thankful that God's plan for my life isn't dependent on me doing everything right. It's not ruined because of a mistake, glory to God! I'm so thankful for the blood of Jesus, and for God's grace and unmerited favor on my life. Not because of anything that I've done or haven't done, but because of everything that Jesus did for me on the cross. When I make a mistake, or do or say the wrong thing, I just remember that I don't have to do everything perfect. God is so much bigger than that! So, I don't live in condemnation when I make a mistake, even if it's a big one, like buying the wrong house. I just pray for God to help me right where I'm at now, and I just move on down the road. His road. His path. There's no where else I'd rather be!
So, we were pretty naive to the actual process of buying a home. We were also pretty naive about the Kansas City area. And, Jeremy was living in a hotel in Lenexa, KS throughout the week. I was at home with a new baby and a four-year old. And, I was pregnant (Another story for another time!)! So, we were ready to be settled in the Kansas City area. The one thing we were very sure about was Olathe, KS. We knew we were supposed to move to Olathe, so we did have that direction from the Lord.
Now, when we had bought the home in Broken Arrow, it was move-in ready. Do you know what I mean? We didn't have to do one thing to that house. It was just ready to move on in. And, we liked that quite a bit. So, WE decided (and I do mean we, and not the Lord) we should find a house just like that in Olathe, KS, a house that was move-in ready. I cannot even remember how many houses we looked at, and we really didn't like any of them that much.
We looked at one house that was definitely not move-in ready, but we liked the floor plan of that house so much. I still remember that floor plan, and it was perfect! But, it needed a new air conditioning and heating unit. It needed siding. And, it needed carpet. Other than that, it was in pretty good shape, but the thought of a house needing all that work intimidated Jeremy and me. So, every time we would think about that house, which was often, we would go through our list of negatives about that house, and decide we definitely wouldn't buy that one. Even though we liked it. Even though the neighborhood was perfect. Even though, if we had been listening to the Lord, we would have.
No, instead we bought a different house that was about a mile away from the other one. The house we bought was move-in ready, just like we wanted. But, I didn't like the floor plan at all. And, it only had three bedrooms, which I also didn't like. And, it had a huge backyard, which we didn't like either (Jeremy doesn't really like mowing, and we didn't want to spend the time that lawn would require.).
There were a lot of positive things about it. It was pretty, large kitchen, nice neighborhood, finished half-basement. So, I guess if you're going to miss the house God has for you, at least it's good to end up with a nice house. Ha! I'm just kidding about that, because really I think it's best to wait until you know what God has for you to do and do that. But, thank God that His Word says that all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. God is so merciful, so kind, so full of compassion. And, you know what, He blessed us in that house in spite of everything! That's how good He is! But, I have often wondered what would have happened if we had lived in the other house, the one we should have bought.
This reminds me of another story, and these two definitely relate, so I think I'll share it. Now, Jeremy and I are firmly established in the belief that our God is a God of increase! He is a Blesser, a Rewarder, and He likes to give His children good and wonderful things! So, at the time of this second story, we lived in the above-mentioned house, aka "the wrong house," and we had lived there for several years. I always knew we wouldn't be staying in that house forever, and really I was always ready to move out of it, because I didn't really like it. Now, I was very, very thankful for it, and I never complained about it. I just knew if wasn't "our house." It never had been, and it never would be. But, nonetheless, we lived there for several years, and lots of good and wonderful things happened there, so I'm thankful. God taught us a lot from that mistake, because we learned how to listen to Him better the next time. And, the time after that. And, the time after that. And, well, you get the picture.
Anyway, back to the story. I was driving in a pretty rough area in Olathe. I wouldn't normally have been in this area, but I had an errand there, so I was. And, the houses weren't too nice and it just looked rough. I was alone in our van (a rare thing at this point in my life), and I was just driving through this neighborhood back to a main road. And, there was a house for sale on the corner of this street in this neighborhood. And, the Lord spoke to my heart, not out loud, but it was very clear.
"If I wanted you to buy that house and move there, would you do it?"
Now, you might think my immediate answer would be "yes," because of course Jeremy and my main motto in life is to find out what God wants us to do and do that, but I was very hesitant when He said this. First of all, my mind went a little bit tilt when He spoke that to my heart because in my mind, God is a God of increase, and how in the world would that house be increase from our current house? I mean, this was a rough, run-down neighborhood. True, the house that was for sale looked like the nicest one on the block, but that wasn't saying much. So, my mind went tilt, meaning it was hard for me to accept that the Lord would ever want us to live in such a house and neighborhood, when I know what a good and wonderful God I serve.
Second of all, the Lord has spoken to me like this before, so I knew full well that if I said "yes" His response might be "OK then. Sell your home and buy this one" or something like that. And, I was seriously thinking about what I would do if He said that. Would I buy and live in that house, in this neighborhood? Would I like having my kids live in this neighborhood? Oh my!
As I was thinking all of this, the question came again. "If I wanted you to buy that house and move there, would you do it?"
And, I said something like, "But Lord, You're a God of increase, and I don't see any way that this house could possibly be increase for us. It doesn't seem like you would want us to buy this house. The house we live in now is so much nicer than that house, and in such a better neighborhood." You see, it didn't fit my mold or view of how I thought God was at this point, and it was hard for me to comprehend the fact that God would ever want us to buy that house and move there.
"I know," He responded, "But, if you were sure that I wanted you to buy that house and move there, would you do it?
I thought for a minute, and said, "Yes, Lord, if I was sure that you wanted us to buy that house and move there, I would do it. I would do it in a heartbeat." And, I truly meant that.
I had a feeling that at this point, He may say, "That is exactly what I want you to do" so I braced myself. I also wondered what Jeremy would think about all of this! My, this was turning out to be quite an interesting day. But, His response changed my thinking forever.
He said, "What if I knew that there was a person in this neighborhood that would only come to know Me if you and your family moved there?"
That, my friend, is definitely increase! Tears filled my eyes. Glory to God!
Well, God didn't want us to move there. He was just using that to teach me a few things, and there are so many lessons in that story, it's hard for me to put them into words. It really is! Things are not always the way they appear on the outside. You see, if God would have had us buy that home and live in that neighborhood, to the natural eye and to a lot of people that would have looked like decrease. But, in actuality, it would have been the best increase ever. Things are nice to have, and good to use while we live here on this Earth, but when we leave here, no thing is going with us! But, people are, and people are what matter to the heart of God. And, people are what matter to my heart as well. Not things, people. Loving people. Ministering to people. People are valuable. Precious. The fruit of the Earth.
Anyway, you may wonder why buying that first house in Olathe reminded me of that second story, but you probably already figured that out. Because, it matters where you live and who your neighbors are. It matters where you work. It matters where you go to church. It matters where you buy groceries. It matters, because if you know Jesus, you are the light of the World, and you bring light wherever you go! You bring Jesus. You bring His love. Places are different just because you show up there. It might not seem that way to you, but they are, and you don't even realize it because you're there. You don't know what it was like before you got there, but I'll tell you. It was darker. Because, you carry the light and love of Jesus inside of you. Oh Lord, help us to share that light and love today with everyone we come in contact with. Use us!
So, yeah, we bought the wrong first house in Olathe, but I'm so thankful that God's plan for my life isn't dependent on me doing everything right. It's not ruined because of a mistake, glory to God! I'm so thankful for the blood of Jesus, and for God's grace and unmerited favor on my life. Not because of anything that I've done or haven't done, but because of everything that Jesus did for me on the cross. When I make a mistake, or do or say the wrong thing, I just remember that I don't have to do everything perfect. God is so much bigger than that! So, I don't live in condemnation when I make a mistake, even if it's a big one, like buying the wrong house. I just pray for God to help me right where I'm at now, and I just move on down the road. His road. His path. There's no where else I'd rather be!
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